I'll still believe

Prayer For The Living
by Kevin Rose

Why does the thought of death
The feeling of ending this life
The torture, the pain, the hurt
The discomfort I cause,
Why does it feel so right?

But the thought of the pain
The mechanics, the method
The hows and wherefores..
Why is that so beyond me,
my abilities, My confidence?

I know I would be better dead
All I care for is others
All I do is hurt others
All I want to do is leave others
To their lives away from me

Is my inability from caring?
Knowing the final act of hurt
The final ability to screw others
To give those who truly care
A pain even I haven't done before?

But they would recover
And they could see it was done
Maybe not consciously, but truly
For the best for them
And therefore the best for me.

Is it fear that stops me?
The inability to take the pain
I couldn't inflict on myself
The yellow man I am,
The quitter, never finishing the Job

So I carry on to conceal the feelings
Trying to do all I can for all
And still I hurt and give pain
Cause confusion wherever I go
That is why I pray to die.

threw her kisses ;7:11 PM

Sun (10/4/2005)

I had a great fall frm bed 2day wen i woke frm my beauty slp .. I almost slept all the way to noon ... "IMPRESSIVE" .. Today .. I was in total crappy mood... Toking crap wif my sissy n screamin n shouting at the top of my voice... The whole hse was filled with my annoying voice. Noone bothered to shut me up... I was just crappin and lazing ard .. Every few mins ... I was all ard the hse .. running to the referigrator and gluping down bottle coca -cola... Till my mum shooed me away frm the kitchen ... Did nothing much for 2day .. juz lazed ard .. Then ard 6 pm plus , started on my Maths assignment .. Worked on it till ard 9pm plus... It feels really good to work on some maths sum ... I luv working on Maths sums !!!! They are challenging and provoking to the brains... It was a great weekend ... A good Balance... Drats! My com is still down... My techican skills ain't good enfuff to fix it ... Need the expert in it to work on it .... Darn the spyware n adware thingy ... They are great annnoyance ... So complicated !!!! Hiaz... Hopefully , the com will be back to function mode soon..

threw her kisses ;9:46 PM

Sat (9/4/2005)

Today ... the day was a late start ... stay in bed quite long... ard noon started gettin ready to go out for usual sat routine.. I onli stayed out today ard 2 hrs plus after which i left hme ... I dunnoe y also i decided to leave after 2 hrs..Impressive! Maybe i felt i wanted a break frm all the long hrs of spending tyme out of hme... Suzzette came for acorns today ... Its great to see her cuming in for acorns.. Hopefully , she had a great tyme discovering and exploring for herself... Aniwaez .. I walked out with her ... N i saw him ... so unusual i expected a loud "arlow Nages" .. but failed to hear frm him.. So little upset.. But aniwaez.. doesn't matter ... there are many other days... hehehehe

Came hme , realized my com was having some problems ... drats! My com is down .. my dad suggests to format my com.. I have alot of song files in it and stuffz in it.. which took me some tyme to get those thingy... n now all are gonna b wiped out... Sob sob .. I need to go thru all those stuffz before the com gets formatted ... Need to try my best to save all my documents .. Aniwaez.. sissy dun feel to bad la... I was just little upset over the com crashing... I shan't blame it on ya .. The com is just cranny at tymes... Thanks for allowing me to use ya commy ... so chweet of ya... Btw ... Today , my sissy and I went to play badminton for soild 2 hrs.... Playing badminton is sure fun wen the perfection of the skills is the goal ... My sis is a great coach manz... I am so lousy at badminton.. By the end of the 2hrs ... I could sense a satisfication in my badminton skills... hehehehe... Need to play more often to attain the skills.. Sissy let's play againz 2morrow if possible ... if not sumtyme soon alritey....

Yups .. end of bloggy for today

Thanks God for the deliverance of a fruitful tyme! =)

threw her kisses ;11:58 PM

Fri (8/4/2005)

I am back againz to rock my bloggy .. Hehehe ... Back to writing on it...

Hmmm ... where to start ... many days are left in blank ..... alritey ... i will start from today n little insight into my other days in life....

Today , a really a short short day in skoool ... I always look forward to friday coz it is the start of weekends and the shortest day at skool . Phew ! Finally , Friday! This whole weeky was so exhausting and tiring .. Tat i was yawning and not in mood for anything except for my beauty precious slp .... Yawn! Yawn! I can still feel the exhaustion in me... Drats .. I am now having hangovers from my afternoon nap ... I hate having afternoon naps but then i couldn't hlp it... Too drained and plus the past few days the weather was been really bad... Scorching hot with occassional showers...

I have pretty quite of no. of things to do .. I will have to come up with a script on the Mass Media thingy .. Need to do the shooting on Mon/Tues.. But i seem least bothered ... Maybe the importance of it doesn't signal a urgency in me... Aniwaez ...it is all a fun thingy we doing to explore outside the boxie.. There are much greater things for importance n urgency to be placed upon PROJECTWORK. I had the worst fear gripping moments in my life wen my teacher announced the word "PROJECT WORK ". My hands turned cold n i clitched unto my fren's chair in fright ... so much fear was building up in me... Aniwaez , it was only the question paper released , we are ought to work on it indiviually n come up with a proposal before we start working on it in groups . The members of the groups will be released in a mths' tyme.... *Prays hard*

Alritez ... outside skoolie .... Lately , without fail , I have being hanging out with my frens feasting on seriously good food... This week , on tues , wen Seoul Garden , Takka , to feast ..... HAhahaha ... i experienced the Wasabi attack on my peppermint ice-cream.... MAsterMind : Ada ... Accomplices : Pam n Suz ... Hehehhee... Wait till nxt tyme i get my hands on you guys...

Thats all for now..... (',')

threw her kisses ;11:58 PM