I'll still believe

Foolish thing called LOVE , and silly me.

threw her kisses ;5:01 AM

I do not know if it is just me who gets worked up over” small” issues, as assumed by others to be a rather small issue that they can easily brush it off. Their action even so bothers me much. I feel totally frustrated and flustered over the entire issue. I can’t help just doing nothing when I am not accorded the justice and respect.

And, just few hours , I got ticked off from my dad for me to refuse to go for a family gathering because I felt the approach of the invitation was inappropriate . I feel its disrespectful to send a short sms invitation for a celebration , and especially so for a family gathering. I entirely do not see the family ties in the invite. What I could call an appropriate invite, is a phone call and making sure we are early there to help out in the celebration , these what I feel and knew of family ties since young. Not a sms , it is so “casual” and makes us so far from family and deems us as outsiders. It is pretty hurtful to see that much distance it creates . I just can’t seem to understand my dad why he can’t really feel the distance. Maybe , he is just trying to keep us close to the family. But , the actual fact , I do not even see myself in the family , I am just contented with my small family ; mum , dad and sis. And, the most I would consider into my small family are my maternal and paternal grandparents and paternal eldest aunt. For, the rest I feel no family ties and connection over the years. We have just grown up.

And , I’m feeling rather fearful and unpredictable of circumstances , and I’m not prepared for it.

threw her kisses ;10:10 AM

Exams are finally done and over with . Pretty relieved. But the results are just not going to be what I am hoping for , though. Keeping my fingers crossed. Hopefully , my GPA score doesn't dip really low , but i do expect it to dip but just not too much . Hopefully its within the 3. something.
Okay . I think enough about studies . I ain't the nerd who is always studying and scoring As.
I'm just an average and responsible student.

And attachment is just in 2 days' time . Hopefully , I would enjoy my attachment as much as I would like too ! :)

threw her kisses ;3:10 AM

Oh boy ,you are total distraction! I can't help feeling fustrated like why now . Oh god , please make me sane.

threw her kisses ;3:18 AM

I'm kind of having mixed emotions now. Its really been awhile since I last chat up with him . Today , out of random he buzzed me. I wasn't sure if I should even reply him back , but my sis suggested I should and I did likewise . It felt warm at first but somewhat the conversation wasn't much of what i was prepared for and I just couldn't say much , and he was trying to be so forceful in the entire conversation , that even made me think of not replying entirely. But I was just trying to be nice and reply but he was like trying way too hard and his words sounded so agitated and fustrated. He wasn't even prepared to listen , he was just demanding an answer , which I wasn't prepared to give. How i wish , he would listen rather than jumping for an answer. And even not shooting me down with my replies , because I had no strong say.

All , I have to say my priority now is my studies .

threw her kisses ;10:46 AM

Handwriting Analyasis

Nageswari is a very emotional person with a broad range of emotions from the highest highs to the lowest lows. She feels emotional situations very strongly. She'll flash to the very peaks of elation, sweeping everything before her. Then, for some reason unknown to herself, she will burn out emotionally. These mood swings can be very disturbing to her. Sometimes, she feels that she can no longer produce anything. But, after given some time alone to "recharge her emotional batteries", she will spring back into action.

Because Nageswari feels situations intensely, she relates easily to others' problems. If she is not careful, when she comes into contact with someone who is in a depressed frame of mind, she will also suffer the same emotions and change moods. Nageswari reacts impulsively, without much thought before hand. She may plan everything in detail before she even begins, then do it completely different when the time comes to carry it through.

Nageswari has a strong need for affection. She thrives on touching and being touched. Nageswari desires being told that she is loved, every day. She enjoys being the center of attention. She loves attention, sometimes she even retells stories that got her attention earlier.
Nageswari has the possibility of being a actor or natural born salesperson, simply because she relates so well to other people. She likes expressing how she feels, what she is doing, and what she plans to do. She is a people person.

She will work most efficiently in a people orientated job as opposed to a job working alone on an assembly line (that would drive her insane.)

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Nageswari doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Nageswari will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor and dignity. Nageswari believes in her ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride.

Nageswari is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.

Nageswari has a desire for attention. People around Nageswari will notice this need. She may fulfill this need by a variety of ways depending on her own character.

Diplomacy is one of Nageswari's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Nageswari can disagree without being disagreeable.

In reference to Nageswari's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Nageswari slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Nageswari can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.
Nageswari's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Nageswari that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Nageswari also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Nageswari is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Nageswari's self-concept is artificially low. Nageswari will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Nageswari to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Nageswari is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Nageswari is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Nageswari has a temper. She uses this as a defense mechanism when she doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around her.

Nageswari has a need to be in control of her own life. She is a strong individual that can control situations to her advantage. This person can take control of a situation. She likes control and has the ability to control people without getting them offended.

Something is incomplete in Nageswari's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Nageswari's sexual needs.

Nageswari has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Nageswari's y or g is large and opens up to the left side of the page. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Nageswari has regarding sex and physical things. So, her lower zone stroke is large, so her sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop is incomplete and extends to the left, this indicates a particular fascination with certain aspects of sexuality that have not been fulfilled, yet. In a nutshell, Nageswari is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Nageswari has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Nageswari fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Nageswari has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Nageswari seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Nageswari seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin.

threw her kisses ;10:40 AM

I just finished typing my revision notes for PAS . I was quite panicked by the fact , there wasn't much time to prepare for it. So I wanted to do a comprehensive and easy study guide for it . I am quite pleased with it. I'm sort of done with PAS for now. I have to start on my NS4 as soon as possible. I have exactly two days to prepare for it . Hopefully , there is sufficient time for me to cover it all. And Ns3 paper is done . I'm not satisfied with the paper . Anyway , there isn't time for regrets now. Its' over and I can just keep my fingers crossed and hope for a decent grade. Hopefully , it doesn't disappoint me much . Yeah.

And I can't wait for the exam period to end . I need to just get away from home. I have already so many plans in my head. All I need now is the time and the people. And I want the night at the beach again. Haha. The secrets buried that night.

And, another piece of excitment , I am going to the F1 race as a spectator not , but a medical support first aider. Pretty excited but at the same moment apprehensive about it , because I dislike crowd and the event is expected to host 1200o people. Like oh my! But it's kind of exciting though. The event will be on 26 sept to 28 sept. I'm on duty on 26sept- 27 sept. Yeah! :)

threw her kisses ;3:08 AM

Flee fly fuyoooh!

first of all, chill lah babe (says it in a annoying tone) idk why everytime i`m bored i like blogging in your blog instead of mine hehahoo hoo hoo. So yea thanks for my bdae presie and pretty cake & you still suck cause you gang up with my frens.

Don`t let exams get to your heado deedo dododo. &don`t get worked up over that (fillintheblank). & you know i rawk your socks and you insisted on my pic being up here because you work better seeing my face. *thick skin*

Jiayooou. Gdluck & yea farewell till another invasion.

threw her kisses ;5:22 AM

I still haven't gotten much motivation to start studying. Though the past two days , I took out my lecture manuals and notes to highlight the important topics and hints . Somewhat it doesn't stir the urgency in me to start studying . I know I am ought to start studying but the other part of me is just in the lazing mood. Terrible. The computer is always my distraction and random people are too. I wish I could just put away my computer and just focus , but i end up sleeping after few minutes. Maybe the urgency factor is lacking. Oh god!

And to those random people , we , student nurses need to sit for exams before we can even be nurses , there isn't a direct nurse as much as we like it to be. It isn't a bed of roses as you presume. It's sheer hardwork. Nothing comes by easily in life. It's life , if it does for you , count it a blessing because it doesn't for many and including myself. I love what I am doing and I'm gald where I am , I count it as my blessing. If it doesn't for you , shut up and count your lost while I count it as my gain. Thanks.

And to those loser friends I have , stop leaving me stupid msn messages " I'm sick . Nurse , can I have a massage?" . * points middle finger right to your face* I am a nurse and not a masseure ! I uterrly disgusted with those messages. Please give me some respect and do not belittle my job scope. Much appreciated.

I'm in fucked up mood now and with all the studying needs to be done. I would suggest to keep away from me . Thanks a million.

threw her kisses ;7:53 AM

Happy 43rd National Day!

Though I missed all the fun this year , by not staying home for this year's celebration. I managed to get a feel of the national day , a week before when I was with my family at East Coast . We managed to view the displays in the air and fireworks. And the above picture , was taken by me , as the national flag was flown across the island during the preview rehearsal.

And I was away on National day across the shore , to truly M'sia with my mum and sis. We went on one day tour to Melacca. Our day started super early as early as 4.30am. And the day came to an end only past midnight. And I did not manage to do much shopping as I wanted to do. The organisers of the tour simply sucked. The time management sucked and the food places were horrible. One of the place , the food took ages to come , especially when most of us were in the brim of hunger and the other place was infested with hundreds of flies , and I had to puke immediately after which . In moments like these , I truly appreciate Singapore .

The one thing I truly enjoyed in the entire trip was the scenic sceneries and maybe the little shopping I managed to do .

Just look at the skies in the pictures , they look really beautiful and calm. They are so comforting.

The ships in the following pictures are part of Melacca's historical background of French colonization and as a port. Historial signifiance very much similar to our historical background though ours was a Bristish colony and we too functioned as a major port in early history.

It great way remembering our History and celebrating our Independance day in a foreign ground. Yes , I'm a proud Singaporean. And , Happy National Day to all !

threw her kisses ;8:03 PM

The dark clouds and the gloomy weather is dampening my mood. And I 'm feeling rather sad and emo at the present moment. I sense a whole lot of emptiness. And I'm somewhat scared tonight. I am like very frightful of all those little noises i'm hearing now. The forceful raindrops hitting the ground , and the occasional msn sounds. I'm thinking too much.

threw her kisses ;7:52 AM

Firstly , I want to wish my sis a very happy birthday ! Hope you liked your gift and your brownie cake , the little surpise at 12mdn . I know you like the brownie cake , cos at the present time , you are nibbling on it . And hope you liked the birthday celebration with the family today. I'm so sorry for not letting a word out of the surprise planned by your friends. I did not want to be a spoiler. And , plus I thought it was really so sweet and thoughtful of them . Once again , Happy Birthday and many happy returns!

I was truly happy today till dinner until I got pissed by a kuching , a call and a sad news. And I teared. I can't help feeling sad , though you told me not to worry and you were all postive and calm , and here I am still feeling sad and anxious for you. How I wish and pray the situation could change! I admit i'm emotionally attached to my family and friends.

threw her kisses ;8:08 AM