I'll still believe

My holidays are coming to end very fast . Sian. Like one week gone . And then now its already mid-week of the second week of holidays. Left with another week till school reopens. And , somewhat or rather I am not looking forward to school. Seriouly, I have nothing much to expect for my class since like my clique is no longer there , it is just going to be like go for classes sit in and pay attention , like no much fooling around . Sadded. And top it all up , the modules like nursing skills , pharmcology & nursing research are gonna kill. Maybe its a blessing in disguise for me to manage my studies. But still , I prefer some fun element.

threw her kisses ;9:03 PM

All the best to the racers tonight !`

Formula 1 Night Race Pictures :) Practice Session 26 September 2008

threw her kisses ;1:05 AM

First- ever Formula 1 night race in Singapore

I was part of the history making event as a first-aider on 26th Septmember 2008 ( practice sessions). Forunately , there wasn't any medical crisis . It was smooth night ! :)

P/S : I was scheduled for duty on 27 th September 2008 but due to long hours , scorching afternoon sun and some glitches the day before , I decided to report sick and rest at home . And it is end of Formula 1 night-race fever for me.The actual race is happening on 28th September 2008.

threw her kisses ;2:34 AM

Is there really a perfect someone out there as set by our expectations and standards? ~~I guess , not.~~

The other day , I was casually chatting up with a friend , and my friend was sharing with me that she was chatting with someone , and felt that the someone was well-mannered , educated and had resonable values as he shared with her some advices in regards to being in r/s and managing life. And plus it all , he had good looks . And as usual , I was teasing my friend , "why don't she consider him ?". And the next reply came , but he smokes and clubs occassionally. And there goes the "perfect good boy" image of that someone.

threw her kisses ;7:51 AM

If you got no time for me , dun bother asking " how am I doing ?'" because I really not doing well and I need time to talk to you . And I can see you dun have much time for me. So I rather reply "I'm fine." , to save the trouble of me having to open my baggage of problems and think of it yet alone again and feel ever so miserable or even worse, because you just had to leave when I'm all in tears and need you badly to hear me out and give me your perspective . Damn the words " I'm always here for you. " I have lost faith in those words. I'm just left with " You're all alone in this and this is life. No one lives for another. Its a selfish cruel world." It seemed harsh to accept initially , but somewhat I am trying . Though it feels like a whole lot of burden , but atleast I am sure I can handle it one way another.

Lastly , do not just ask " How you do? "for the causal formality of conversation , but really ask deep down , of genuie concern for the person and for his/ her well-being. The person on the other end , can know of your concern and geniuness , and chose to reply you with the socially accepted reply " I'm fine. thanks." ; or reply " I'm not doing so well . And I need to talk."

That's the power of the " How you do?" and its intention.

threw her kisses ;2:25 AM

I have been feeling down quite recently , not sure is it because of the environment I am in for now that is causing me to feel so. But the feeling of downess has been there for awhile its not only of present i start feeling like that but it just been surpressed all along and its of recent I feel more sadness than usual . And I have been crying for like consistenly for three days for no apparent reasons. There is just so much of unhappiness. And even moments that I could think of physically scarring myself , a form of outward expression of my inner expression. Thus far , I have not done . But the urge has being great. I even noted my own signs and symptoms , they are closely linked to clinical depression , and today when I was in the ward , I asked the senior nurse about clinical depression and somewhat shared my problem with her , she said she could diagnose likely close to biopolar , but at the same time she said I could still rationalise and justify my thoughts , hence it just a mild form. But somewhat , I am still worried. What if a day comes , I lose it all.

threw her kisses ;7:28 AM

Today is result's day . And my results are alright but I am not satisfied . My GPA score still maintaining at 3. something. But there has been a dip , i need to work ard my GPA the next semester and avoid it from further dipping. Need to be consistent. Like really. No empty promises.

edit/ I'm feeling totally upset about the new class timetable . I'm so not looking forward to school now. I will miss my clique in class especially nsl lesson. So depressing ! :(

threw her kisses ;5:58 AM