I'll still believe

Damn. School is getting really slack these days. Especially when teachers are not around. Today had another 5 free periods including breaks. It is really so pathetic . It makes me wonder why did I even bother coming school when I have like only 4 periods of lessons. The number of free periods exceeds the number of lesson periods we have. Some may celebrate but somehow I have learnt not to celebrate over these free periods. I have learnt to count the free periods as my lost. Maybe because i find myself enaged in unwholesome talk and poor stewardship of my time. Moreover , the free periods somewhat dampens my mood and makes me so tired to continue on for the rest of the lessons in the later part of the day. So it sucks. So i rather hope and wish for teachers to be around for lessons than to celebrate in their absence. But i dun mind if it is like once in blue moon thingy but not like so often. Am I contridicting ? Yups. I guess.

Oh yeah. Tomorrow , A level MT results are going to be released. Somewhat I am not so eager about it or anxious about it . I am expecting some decent grade though. I have not failed my MT so far. (*touchwood) So I do not expect a failing grade bt a decent grade. Anyways , I am only anxious and am looking forward to Friday for the posting results. I am really worried over the posting results. But I will learn to take things in stride and learn to obey and trust God in his plans. Teach me o ' lord to trust unto you as I wait.

And , today I finally met up with my mentor . She took down my particulars , the basic student particular details . Yet to have a session with her. Somehow I wish I will not be meeting her again beacuse I will be gone by then. Hopefully , I will gone by then.

Dear Lord , please do hear my plea to go to the poly . I so want the switch . I am not cut out for the A level Structure. It is killing me . Its driving me nuts. I am crumpling day by day as I stay on. Nothing will remain if the stay persists . But if you want me to stay on .. I will. I will obey. But please do not test me on this beacuse it will be so hard on me . Pity ya poor child. You sure want the best for me , i know as you love me . Grant me my wish and desire . Oh please! Hear my cries. Father , please answer my prayer to go to poly.

threw her kisses ;6:53 PM

Bummed around in school. 5 free periods. Early Dismal at the 3th free period. Yippy =) I 'm loving Monday.

As the days draw nearer , the fear grows.

threw her kisses ;10:37 PM

WISHLIST
1. Jacket
2. Havaianas Sandal (Green)
3. Shoulder Bag (Nike Edition)
4. Sling Bag ( Billabong , Leather Design)
5. Billabong Wallet
6. Roxy Pencil Case ( The Enormous One )
7. FBT shorts
8. Printed T-shirts

9. Ripcurl Waterbottle ( Simmering Purple)

*As of 27 Feb 2006

threw her kisses ;4:09 PM

Lately , I find myself doubting alot . Really lots. I doubt even a sms. I doubt not the contents but the motive behind each sms. But it is not for everyone but only a certain group. Sometimes I wonder if they are sending sms because of the obligation of their entrusted responsibilty to inform. Some just inform . I take note but I careless to reply beacuse I feel no urge to reply. Then some inform and leave a trace of their fustration like I hope it'll b habit instead of me always reminding . How am I suppose to know there is a mgt and how I am suppose to know its every sat . If you did notice , I wasn't ard for the past few mgts because I had classes in the morning and I can't attend. I know I should be taking intiative to ask and find out. But somewhat i care less because I hate the freaking structured idea of doing things. I rather be left in ignorance and not be involved. Fine. You can go around showing freaking concern behind me , how come you do not see me around . Come and ask me if you freaking care abt me. Not because you want to have conversation with the another ; you pop me into the picture. I hate it. I hate it when people talk about me or hightlight me in my absence. I feel insecure. Hell yes! Then another , send me msg doubting me . inform me and leave traces of their lack of trust in me. Whats wrong? Scared of me ah ? Then do not bother smsing me beacuse I feel more comfortable to reply not in your favour. Get it!

threw her kisses ;9:27 PM

He is so nonsense la. He was asking how come nowdays I have not been bringing in friends . And he mentioned about Windy . Then I said I did bring friends , just that they only came for events and not for yf. He was then should try inviting them for yf . Then I said some came for events and he said I should mention he is around and later he bought his words back. He is so cheeky la . He thinks he is some Mr Gorgeous that if they come they will fall for him. Please lor! He says they are clever to take preventive measures. Crap lor. Coughs. You better stop playing around la , Mr Gorgeous ! Your words can be a double-edged sword.

threw her kisses ;1:54 PM

Shucks... I was blog-hopping and I came across a entry my friend had wrote about me and him. I know our r/s is like jie di lian because of our age differences. I so hate it man. I myself ignore the age difference and yet she brings it up. Fine. I am older. So who cares ryte?? When both are in love , age doesn't stand but love alone stands. Damn. Freaking pissed.

threw her kisses ;10:35 PM

Am I distracted ? I am not distracted but clouded with many thoughts in how I want my walk . Many times I wonder if I was left alone in my walk and not cared or bothered much , my walk will be fine . With too many around to account , I struggle with my walk. I feel insecure with people and so fake especically when they are overly nice and caring.

Damn. News really gets around fast. I know people are overly concern about me . Shitbags. I do not need that much of attention and concern. It is pressurizing and scary.

Oh yeah! I told him only today about my decision and he was like " Hey , you are not godly lor!" Then I just " Yes! I am not." Then he was like lost for words and he wanted me to seek counsel. Crazy. It must of shocked him but he must have expected that coming since he always says he can anaylse the future . Yeah lor. Okies . I shan't be mean and bad. I'm sorry . I know my decision is kind of surprising and shocking but i guess that it is the best for me and I am praying in regards to my decision beacuse at the end of the day , God unfolds his plans and not me. He is in soverign control. Need not fret ! I am walking in the light with Faith .

threw her kisses ;9:33 PM

Just as I expected. I am never free on Saturday. This morning I received sms informing got Ph2 mgt later in the morning. My immediate response was like shucks ! I dun want to go and I want my saturday morning. So i just ignored the sms and shut the entire handphone of mine. I am really getting irritated with all the mgts and all the structured crap la. Please la! Be more sponteous rather than be so structured. I wish and hope people aren't so structured over this whole thing in serving God. It only reminds me of the account in the Bible of Mary and Marther. One was so busy preparing for the feast and the other was just by Jesus. All these structured things we are doing , are making us busy that we are not free to just come and sit and talk to our Father. Wasn't our r/s was meant to be intimate and personal but all the other things are distanting us now?
Take time and pause for a closer and intimate walk with our Creator.

threw her kisses ;10:55 AM

It feels shiok to be home on Saturday Morning finally. For the past few weeks , I either had to work in the morning or be in school for extra lessons or involed in some actitivties . It feels great to be home. I really miss my weekend mornings beacuse they are the only time i manage to sleep way past the wee morning times. Hopefully . I do not receive any call for any meeting or wadever crap. I will turn them down. I want my saturday morning badly. I want my sleep and my bed. Hahaha... I am looking foward to a great saturday morning at home.. Yippy!

I was kind of pissed today earlier in class. But I must salute my classmate. She was great and she did not lose her cool. If I was at her position , I could have lose my cool long ago. It was a very simple thing yet people are not cooperating. It gets damn fustrating when you take initative to get things done and yet things can't get done due to a handful. It was a simple task. Come as a class and agree . But there were many comments. Some comments not voiced out but talked within friends. What is this? Unity in clasS? I doubt so. Wadeva. I shall just shut up and watch.Luckily ,I wasn't standing front and adressing the bunch. I will lose my control and my coolness. damn.

I was thinking i should start another journal not a online journal though bt rather a book of thoughts; where i come really honest and open about issues. Very fine details recorded. I think i should start on one . It will help me understand the deeper needs of myself. And there are some issues , I dun address here because I feel not secure and afraid some unwanted readers are reading into my life.

threw her kisses ;10:25 PM

Today , I am absent from school. I had gone to the doctors' to check out the pain in my right shin bone. The pain of the last 6 yrs is back. I first had the pain back in sec 3 and yet the pain had not gone over the years but keeps coming back whenever I exert or overwork my legs. The doctor had told me likely the pain is the recurrence of the previous injury ; stress fracture in the shin bone and advised me to refrain from physical activties especially any activties invloving running for the meanwhile and had asked me to consider swimming to allow the injury to recover and rest. This particular incident had helped me to recall what was taught in foundation class in regards to how we are ought to deal with sin. As sin is reverisble. We are ought to be watchful , beacuse what we thought to have being dealt with , will have its return if we are not careful and watchful. Thank God.

Okies. I need to disclipline myself to do some studying today. I have an Arenes test tommorrow!!

threw her kisses ;6:33 PM

Im Sorry! Especially To Him...

* yellow the colour of forgiveness and friendship

threw her kisses ;11:57 PM

Sheesh. I wanted to make myself think about certain issues and somehow I have not been devoting the time I need to ponder and think. But I hope to address this issues soon. I want to look into depths what I have or want in my life… Some things for sure I know I want and treasure most is my family and sentiments. And my pride of life , achievements! But there is yet more to my life. Hoping to look into this issue in the week. It sure will take time because I going to be specific about every single issue I want and have in my life.

If you people are aware I will be celebrating my 20th Birthday in less than a month. I am somewhat not looking forward to my birthday and I am dreading to grow old. There is simply too much responsibility attached to the 20th. It is pretty a scary thing. I can feel the pressure of turning 20. At home, my parents are like you are no longer young, you will have to do this and this and learn to take care. You are twenty. But somehow I feel not grown up and I am very much dependant upon my parents for my needs. True. They are still providing for me. I am struggling to step out from my comfort zone. It will pretty embarrassing to say. Some may count me lucky but wadesover . I feel I need to take responsibility. I expect my mum to feed me when I am tired or just to lazy to eat on my own , iron my clothes , prepare the toilet for me before going school and even doing all my laundry and making my bed and tidying the rooms. I am such a useless bump, a royalty at home having my mum run my errands. I will have to learn to step out from my comfortness and learn to take the responsibility of doing simple chores of taking care of myself and doing some chores around the house. It may sound an easy task but it is not especially when I have been like these for the past 19 years. Sometimes, I wonder why din’t my parents train me early so I won’t have to go through this . They love me so much that they , rather feed me the comfortness and luxury of life than make me of the hard way of life. I love my family. My sentiments are closest to my family.

threw her kisses ;8:54 PM

I was almost late for school today. Just as I entered my class and dumped my bag unto my table . The bell rang. That was how close I was to being late. Thank God! I had managed to reach school on time. Fuck. My legs were aching and they were so weak. I felt no control of my legs except for the unbearable pain. Tears were already welling up in my eyes. But I beared. Damn. Having the red card doesn't help much also. It worsens my situation. Mood swings sets in.

Sheesh! I am kind of getting worried over the posting results . But I thank God for the trust he allowed me to display ,I was able to come before and pray in regards to my anxious and fearful thoughts. I know my God is good at all times and he knows what is best for his children. I will learn to trust and wait upon my Father.

I can't bear the pain around my right shin bone. I really hope I had not injured my leg or whateverso. It is just a stinging pain that will vanish soon.

P:S/ I am becoming little possessive over his nick and his display pic. I do not want him sending wrong signals or developing feelings for another. Me to You Bear was my trademark to you. And I hope you remember . The love hugging bear is mine. Goodnite. Dun make me envious and kill you okies. Lol...

threw her kisses ;6:08 PM

Happy Staining !!!

threw her kisses ;7:43 PM

I have not been blogging for sometime. Basically, nothing much as been happening. I had been rather busy the past week. My weekends were occupied with many things. Firstly, I had work and then my usual sat activities. Then sat, was just gone like that. Then Sun, it’s my Bestie’s Housewarming. I was at her place till evening. I got bullied by her small cousin, that boy is so naughty and mischievous. But yet adorable. I m scared of furry animals. I do not like them on me. But I dun mind stroking them if you hold them. Then Mon, back to school. I was waiting for school to end because I had to go and get my V-day present which I had not still gotten over the weekends. I tried looking for the gifts back then though but I could not find any that I wanted to get for my person. Later, I met Pam and we went shopping together. Yay! I finally bought the gift. I’m loving the gift. I wish I could keep it but I have to give. Maybe I will get one for me also soon. Met the Goofy Goobers and celebrated Porky Pig’s 19 th Birthday at Pizza Hut, Plaza Singapura. Then took neoprints and hunt gift for the gift x-change. It was simply mad rush. The shops were closing. I am so looking forward to tomorrow.

Tuesday. 12am
Happy Valentines’ Day! Thank God! I was online. I was so freaking tired and I wanted to hit bed but somehow I decided to stay online. He was so sweet to come online and post his greetings. Thank you. Gosh! I dread going school today, I wanted to stay home in the day and later go out. But somehow, I convinced myself to go school and had x-changed our v-day gifts with the goofy goobers. I love my chain and my heart – shaped wand. Thank you. School was damn drag and long today. I was feeling so mood out. But I loved my evening. It was great.

Wednesday.

I did not go school today. I was sian of school and I was damn tired to drag myself from bed. I had the most wonderful dream today. I slept way past 11.30am to complete my dream sequence. It was so good. I wish it happens. Then , went to Popular with mum and sis to help get my sister her assessment book and I ended up spending. I need to stop spending. I have over-spent. Then pigged out at Sakae Sushi. Damn full. Burp…..

Shucks! Back to school tomorrow ….

threw her kisses ;7:03 AM

I am getting really frustrated with person whom keep on changing the plans. Once things are left to me, I will settle it. Just keep yourself away from it till I inform you of the details because I am working on the plan for the day. I do not need you to spoil my planning. Get it! I dun mean to be mean but sometimes it gets annoying when everyone gets back to you asking how come she said another and yet you say another. It is so uncalled for and it is unnecessary. If things are left to me for planning , let me take the honour to do the planning and if you guys ain’t happy. Speak it! Do not go around saying and suggesting alternatives. It is because it makes things even difficult because of the msg not getting to everyone but only to a handful. So I hope you understand. No offence!

threw her kisses ;11:13 PM

Thank God! It’s Friday! Finally! But then, it is going to be a pity that the weekends are going to end soon as fast than I expected. I have plenty of things lined up for this weekend. Next week, is going to be great with V-day in the beginning of the week. I am yet to get present for my “secret person” that I am ought to get the present. I am also yet to get my pair of terrapins. I am going to find time to shop for my pressies in this busy weekend. I am also need to get my bestie her b’dae cum housewarming gift. Hahahaha. I have decided on her gift though. It is pretty for sure. I love it. Oh yeah! JAE is registration is finally open and I have applied. Happy. But now, I can’t wait for March 3rd to arrive soon. So I can get my posting results. Prays hard. I am anxious about this whole process of posting. If you people know, I am considering this posting really something important to me because I seriously want a switch. But I am struggling to come to terms what if….. I rather skip that for now. I shall look for all things in my favour and God will unfold his plans for me. Thank you. Ciao

threw her kisses ;11:31 PM

I am so in love with today!But it is so wrong! I am happy and I am all smiles. So who cares ryte? I am happy tats all that matters. It feels great to be loved and cared. *Love Love* Winks....

threw her kisses ;10:58 PM

Drats! I am sick . I feel so stretched esp this week. I have so many things to look into this week. School is bombarding with lots of homework . I have no energy to do. I am tired and sick. I want to sleep. Sleep is calling me. My schedule is so tight. I feel like crashing but I have to keep going. Results will be out on Friday. I need to make my application and posting results likely out on Mar 3 . I really hope things will turn out as I have wanted. God please do answer my prayer. I want to get my ass out of here and go into ECH. I am really looking forward to ECH.

threw her kisses ;10:57 PM

O Level Results are going to released this Friday . Somehow , I am feeling scared . Its not that I am expecting any results or so. But I am just scared on how the cohort for this year is performing , I am quite worried for my place in the poly. I really want to make the switch. My current stay is already draining me nuts. Oh please, God! I am praying really hard for this switch.

Back to school today. Today , morning there was awesome greeting from nature. There was a beautiful rainbow stretched across the sky in my school compund. It was so beautiful and magnificnent. Sob. sob.. There wasn't any camera to capture the beautiful display of nature. It was pretty. School was as usual. Nothing much. I was looking forward to going home =p! Yay! I slept upon reaching home. Shucks! I am catching the flu bug.....

threw her kisses ;8:53 PM

Shucks! I screwed my blog layout. It is so messy now and I ain't in the mood to do it up now. I am going to just leave it. Damn. I spent nearly half a day figuring what went wrong. I thought my blog was restricted because I had violated some rules or wadeva crap and I even took off the video from my blog. Wondering if the video triggered any problems. But that wasn't the problem. The blogger server was down , i suppose. Oh yeah! I really slacked away my day. Oh dear! I gt some people saying they saw me in the TV yesterday. I ain't any star la. Pls do not say anymore. I kind of paiseh now. *hides* Anyway , the chingay parade was really rocking man. The crowd were good . The whole programme flow was a thumbs-up! I enjoyed the crowd and the display. Awesome. I was grooving with the atmosphere . The bad weather did not dampen the spirits of the crowd. Chingay rocks! The bubbles were great. I was in fantasy man. The colourful stripes of paper thrown in air was an awesome and colourful sight. The firework and firecrackers were awesome. I loved every single moment at the Chingay Parade. Chingay Rocks!

threw her kisses ;9:57 PM

School was okay today except for one lesson. It felt particularly weird. I felt like I was hiding and shielding myself from the lesson, all because I did not go and I couldn’t give her much valid reason. Oh yeah! Maybe, I can say, if I went, I couldn’t have won a phone. Bleahs! She will be like what are your priorities then? Oh dear! I’m fixed. Hiaz. Anyway, she did not ask and I also did not go up to her to explain. So let the matter rest. After school, we walked over to NP for their openhse. I go enquire about ECH. Then, this year the ECH comes under the JAE. I am kind of worried over the competitiveness of the seatings. Prays hard. Then, go and enquire about the Medical Science, Nursing course since Ms Takajie wanted me to go and look since we were there. But, I ain’t interested in it. Then, some idiot morons from some sec school, made some comment. “Why we come here???!?!?!? Back-up plan ah??!?!?!?” The comment really pissed us off. I guess they do not have very much the right to look down besides the just in sec school and they yet to even receive their results. What they claim it to be is not true! It all matters to each an individual student; you either make it or break it! So dun stereotype the school; because we are also taking the same subject contents as our JC counterparts. We are no different from a JC but only an extra year, which doesn’t imply we are dumb or what?!?!?!. We just had missed by a few pts of our entry requirements. People are sometimes late to realize the importance of studying, so we are the late ones so we screwed up a little in our O’s with a lot of playing. We make it right in realization by coming here. But sadly, though there are some are still wander away. So please do not stereotype!

Bussed down to Habourfront and trained to Kovan. I wanted to go and collect the phone from the industrial park. Who knows it was closed! So dumb, should have called before going. Wasted trip and the walk in the scorching sun! Sorry; to my buddy who accompanied me.

Then Mr. Vice president called and crapped. He is so fun to talk and crap around. Sad thing, he wasn’t around for the whole of this week. Looking forward to crap with V-president.

Then bussed down and reported to Kumon. I was late by 15 mins and I got screwed because of my attire. But thankfully, she just left me with a gentle reminder. I was kind of pissed off with the kids today and I was very impatient. They are so restless and they make a lot of noise and I get screwed because I can’t control. So I show the kids my displeasure by being firm with them and I control them. It so mean. But I was damn pissed because of them, I get screwed. So I hold it on them. Sorry. Just my mood swings! Dead Beat. Ciao

Latest news break: A dog had entered the compounds of the school and had found its “ V- DAY” partner. Hahahaha… Lame.

threw her kisses ;11:32 PM

I gt home an hr ago. The day is damn long. I so wanted to sign out from school today . But it was troublesome. So I decided to stay behind for lessons till 1630h. But then , I had some AU Maths class to attend at around 1715-1830h. I decided to skip the lesson. Guess ! My luck! Just I was standing outside the bus-stop , I saw her heading towards the bus-stop and she was like better be heading back to school and attend the lesson and then my friends were like excuse her this time and blah blah. She is leaving anyway though and and then She went on , so is your place confirmed and have u withdrawn? Yes, I can’t answer. But you need not be so harsh on me right. I know that’s why I am still in right. But I know you meant good. But I simply dread going for the lesson. The day is so stretched and long. Sorry! I know no point saying sorry to you because it all matters to me and I must be sorry to myself. I choose not to go . I listened and returned but I walked out again. I could not take it. I can’t bare to sit in for another hour or so. Okies. End of school .

Bussed down to Bugis! Wow! Damn lucky sia! Bought the Geisha Bento Set meal and had a lucky dip and won a Nokia 6020. Yet to collect the prize phone though. I have no idea but I am going to do with it. Likely , I will use for awhile. Maybe it will bring me more luck. Hahaha .. I seem greedy now. Its’ natural for me to feel like that especially when luck strikes me twice. Hahaha… Special thanks to Ada Yap.

threw her kisses ;10:58 PM

I feel hurt . I dun give a dame man. If you wish to do it , just do it! Need not care if it is mean or not. I know I am nothing to you. I dun expect much also . I am happy with anything. But it hurts, to learn the truth. But it is your will and decision. Thank you. Goodnyte. Let the tears comfort me tonight.

threw her kisses ;10:33 PM

Boo! Sob.. Sob… No fun … School was as usual . Today , was the dreadful 2 periods of PE. Thankfully, we did not have to do much and I had excused myself from nearly 2 rounds round the track because my stupid shin started hurting like shit. The pain was like really bad that I feel my legs giving up on me. Thankfully , it recovered soon. I guess , I just had over-exerted my legs. Legs better rest well ; must be ready for next week . Oh yeah, PE sessions ended soon. Lessons today were kind of bored , have not really settled in after the long weekend. I feel home rather in school. Hehehehe . Then , today HT , had some talk about I&E. It was crap and had to go present the crap we wrote to the whole PU2 science classes. Stupid. Likely, it din last long ! But my class , really a supportive bunch of people. Thank you , guys!

Oh dear! I am not looking forward to school tomorrow. The day is so bloody long. The Thursday is always the curse day. The Thursday always repeats itself. As of last year at least. Shucks. I am feeling sick. My throat hurts . I shall not talk . I going to observe silence.

I am waiting for your call. I kept my promise to return call. You did not pick. So you return call , okays! Its going to be gloomy day tomorrow. Sad.

threw her kisses ;9:09 PM