I'll still believe

There is few more hours for the New Year 2007 . As usual I do want to take some time to reflect and record down the moments in how I have grown this year and what I was filled with this year. I am very sure this year 2006 was a very exciting year for myself. I want to really try my best to capture all the moments.

Beginning of the year of 2006 , was going back to school . In Jan , was returning back to school as a Pre- U 2 student . I felt intially quite awkward to go back to school coz most of my friends were already in their graduating year and it was part of pride thingy for me . But there wasn't much of choice , coz I wasn't really sure in where I wanted to pursue though I wanted to shift over to the Poly in the nearing months. And I wasn't very open to the courses in Poly neither. I was just hoping to go into Early Childhood Education. The new class wasn't too bad either. The class was much better than my former classes . There wasn't much of any poltics and there were strong postive vibes in the class. Except that I did not still like my teacher . I couldn't really stand his attitude and his easy -going mentality. I felt that he was ought to pratice some urgency . But somewhat I began to really not care but those things like the teacher and the class and just focus on me and those closer to me. It thus helped me going and allowed me to adapt . Though I was feeling little inferior at times. But i somewhat managed. Though there were many times I feeling down and dry but I am thankful for my family , friends and even sisters and brothers in church who helped to keep me in their prayers. Then in the month of Feb , was filled with many Goofy Gobbers Day Out and celebration. I really love the outings with the Goofy Gobbers and all the neoprint session everytime we meet. Just posing and screaming and acting cute. And I was lucky with the Goofy Gobbers , I won a Nokia 6020 while out with them. Then Mar came by , I was much dreading to turn 20 . I did not like the idea of growing older and worse fears of responsiblity that comes along with it. Then Apr , the very first time I went over to his school and met him while our school was having a match with their school. Then May , the family event , The New paper Big walk . I really enjoy those moments as a family we can participate in such a sporting event. All the cam-whoring session and the good food that follows after it. Then June , my first ever trip with Shalini , it was good and hoping that I can have another one next year too . I miss the trip sooo much and all the others in the trip also. It was awesome. Then july , the World cup fever . The Germany craze . Hahaha. I am still crazy about Germany now. I really hoping it will be Germany in 2010. They will. Besides all these , there were other big changes happening in home , my aunt and her kids moved into my house as they were waiting to purchase their new flat. There were so much of inconveniences and I did not really like the idea but somewhat I just allowed though I did express my objections to my parents but they just told me to listen to them and not interfere and be in my best behaviour. I did as I was told. It was just so restrictive in my own home for the next 2 months atleast. And mum was taken ill also. She was admitted in hospital. Then , it was the first time I felt that my whole world of comfort came crashing down and there so much of uncertainity when she was in hospital . There were so much of responsiblity , taking care of home , mum and even sis and managing school . I really thankful for all the prayers and all the visits my friends , churchmates. And a very special thanks to my grandma , who helped in the house. It was the very worse fears of growing up and shouldering such responsiblities. I am thankful that mum has recovered and returned home though her health is still isn't good. But I am glad she is back home. Those nights were really nights of nightmare. In home , without mum and only me , sis and dad. The nights were very solemn. Our usual nights are loud and noisy. I am just glad she was back home. Then , August to September was the intensive studying period for promotional examinations . It was one of the down period of time also. I was so trapped with time and was slowly being eaten by the stress monster. Full of moodswings . And many thoughts . Overwhelmed with many thoughts. Nothing seemed to be helping and friends seemed to be distant and I was also distant . And unpleasant news filled me , my friend had committed sucide . And I started feeling that I was partly the cause because she was trying to contact me but I somewhat had not being free to attend to her . I felt that maybe all she needed was someone to listen to her and I wasn't been able to be there for her. And it also triggered my emotions and thoughts. Then Oct was the most nightmare and fearsome period , the promotional results and all the uncertainity that follows. But somewhat I was strong and I started to all again be zealed with faith and the months followed by much more on happier note. I started work in Kumon , worked there for a month maybe lesser . But this time around , i wasn't much enjoying my work in Kumon , I felt very stretched with distance and the management. Then was involved in S3 camp as camp ambassdor and group leader. It was really testing because it was really about being People-centred and going all the way out beyond our own ablities. I thank God that a weak vessel like me could be used in the work of His Kingdom and following after S3 straight was EYF . This time , I was just no ordinary member but a Shephard. So as a shephard , I had to take responsibilty to gather and make sure my sheeps are fed well in regards to the EYF sessions and events. It was another challenging task to step out of our own comfort zone and preference to our conveniences and really look beyond ourselves and placing the interest of others above us. And finally , starting work in YMCA . I would be working likely another two over months in YMCA for the Year 2007 and then really look into where I am going to pursue my studies. Hence overall , this whole year was like a roller- coaster ride filled with many thrills .

The theme for the year 2006 is " Suprises with Thrills!"

I believe that the coming year is going to be another exciting year as I wait as His unfolds His Plans for me. I am truly excited. And I am very sure to make prayer to Him in " Counting me in His plans!" He has been so faithful in bringing me through this year . And I thank God for his showers of love and blessings upon me for this year 2006 and the years to come. He is the Creator and the Everlasting God to the ends of Earth. Amen.

threw her kisses ;9:15 PM

I just feeling disturbed over something. Today my mum had offered me her chocolates to me on an agreement to not go to church anymore . But her offer was to easy to resist . And something just prompted me deeper , what if my mum has something greater to offer me , what will then be my response? Will it depend on what she offers or is it a straight “ No!” to her offer. I am just unsure. I feel shaken. Even , today in yf , as we looked in the year 2006 in how we have lived this life. It shows we have still been very much living in carnality . Our hearts are not drawn any nearer . And then as we had to make our responses to “ count me in” in the new year. I just want to pray for myself to really surrender every part of me and really to change in areas be it be my thoughts / attitude in how I deal with things on my own and in how with entrusted responsibilities . I just want to cruify the ME in me. I want to really experience and taste the New Life , 2 Cor 5:17 ; I want to feel the freshness and newness in the coming year 2007 . And also to be a vessel in the work of God’s Kingdom and His people. Even as I make the prayer for myself I am so uncertain in what’s in store for me. I pray for myself that God will enable me to withstand and resist the callings’ of this world and allow me to fix my eyes upon Him as he slowly reveals his ever so majestic and awesome plan He has nicely woven in His time.

In His time , In His time .

He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Lord , my life to you I bring ,

Be to you a lovely thing in Your time , in Your time.

Amen.

threw her kisses ;11:50 PM

Hahaha.. Have been missing in action down here in blogger. I have been busy with EYF , inviting frens for mass ebs and events and even getting back to my sheeps and even the commitee people. It was a indeed a perserving task especially when response was really difficult . But I was reminded that those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength and soar on wings like eagles. It helped me to push on and serve in EYF. And one growth point that I am able to thank God for in this whole EYF , God had enabled me to step out of own comfort zone in terms of despite inconvenieces to self , i was abled to to see beyond and see the interests of others more than mine and allowed me to be used by Him for His kingdom purposes. And also allowed me to people -centred , I struggle with loving people and knowing people are difficult to be loved . I will choose to show very surface level with people but I in this whole EYF , i have allowed this attitude in me to be changed. Yups. This are some of the growth points I have discovered for myself in this whole EYF. I am glad to have served in EYF .

I have started work in YMCA . I like the environment there. The students are awesome , they are naughty and mischevious at times but what is important they are teachable. When I draw a comparison between the students in YMCA and KUMON. They are totally two different bunch of kids. The kids in YMCA are much more well -behaved and independant . So I am expecting a a wonderful working experience with the kids in YMCA . I have already felt a part of the YMCA school . I am no longer new and insecure. And plus to it all , I even attended the YMCA dinner and dance after third day at work. It clearly shows how comfortably I am immersed into the YMCA environment. I had a great time at the dinner dance and even stayed through when I was actually intending to leave half-way. It was simply awesome the dinner and dance , all of us had fun and laughter. A good glorious 8-course meal . Yummilicious. And great prizes , and one of my collegue won the 2nd prize , $300 cash and other great prizes. I'm happy for her . Yeah. Till then , Happy Holidays as we wait for the NEW YEAR 2007 to break in.

threw her kisses ;12:30 PM

I went over to Kat's house today after service. Met my darlings at her house .

Some pictures taken at Kat's hse today .

threw her kisses ;9:49 PM

Blessed Christmas to all !
I am bloggin in a Christmas morning. Wee` The day seems so fresh and cold . Hahaha. It is snowing in S'pore. Do you believe me? Nah . It isn't snowing but it has been raining for the past few days. The weather is so great today. Thank God , for the wonderful weather . I can't wait to sing Christmas carols and be all in the mood for the day . And I can't wait to meet all my darlings! I am really expecting a big splendid Christmas today.Hahaha. Another occasion to dress well and look good and good glorious food. Woots`

threw her kisses ;10:59 AM

Today is Christmas Eve and yet I am not feeling any bit of the Christmas joy. I feel so joyless when the whole world is preparing for the big day tommorrow. Plenty of gifts to be exchanged. But as I think of the greatest gift exchanged , it is the life that was given to us through Jesus Christ; the Birth. So I thought it would be great to really know the real meaning of Christmas and not just flow through the day just being merry and having joy with gifts that matters nothing when the MAIN PERSON is missing in the big picture. Just when I felt I was joyless this season , I am really thankful for being able to remember the PERSON , thru the christmas carol " Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in the heart" . It is a very good christmas carol , allowing us to remember the day and the greatest joy of the day. I wish everyone a Merrry Christmas and thank God for sending his one and only begotten son to Earth for everyone of us ; HE gave his gift of love on this very day and we are celebrating HIS joy with our hearts filled with HIS. Have a wonderful and splendid Christmas remembering HIM.

Lyrics as follows:

Christmas Isn't Christmas

* Christmas isn't Christmas

Till it happens in your heart

Somewhere deep inside you

Is where Christmas really starts

So give your heart to Jesus

You'll discover when you do

That it's Christmas

Really Christmas to you

Jesus brings you warmth like a winter fire

A light like a candle's glow

He's waiting now to come inside

As He did so long ago

Jesus brings gifts of truth and light

And makes them bloom and grow

So welcome Him with a song of Joy

And when He comes you will know that *

threw her kisses ;11:47 PM

threw her kisses ;4:00 PM

Sob Sob` We did not go Sentosa . The weather wasn't promising. Instead when with family to
"Singapore Garden Festival" again. Cam-whored and took again plenty of pictures. And ate at Madan's , the place serves real chilled drinks . It's cold in there. HAhaa.... Brrr... I had great time with family and grandmum . My grandmum sure did enjoy herself and I am glad that she enjoy herself. She is simply great , at night even back home , she cooked us dinner and prepared tea time also , despite all the walking and tiredness. I was already knock out upon reaching home. I slept and then later woke up to eat. The day was great though our plan was changed. I really like spending time with the family with so much happened this year. I am just afraid that things will not be same anymore. I just do not want to take things for granted . I want to really make iy a point to really spend time with Family . They are the closest to my heart. I will be stumbled and crashed with anyone missing. Yeah. I thank God for my family and the time he has given me with them.

Then at night , my aunt called me asking me if i wanted to go JB with her tomorrow because I was earlier disappointed that I won't go JB coz my dad had strongly objected coz my mum wasn't feeling well. Then my dad somewhat agreed to allow me go with her , just then in news they showed state of Johor Bharu was in floods and my dad said " no!" and then i was again pleading and asking to go because I badly wanted to go though i had no real good motive. I wanted to shop badly and I wanted really good deals. So i wanted to go despite the floods thinking the exchange rate will be good . It will be profit to me. But it wasn't really . It was the same. I bought nothing there. Yups. Nothing . Except lunch and dinner , and a skirt for my sis. It was such a disappointment compared to my excitement. And all the drama back at home and the hassle . It was all for nothing. Hahaha. I still wanna go on shopping.

Today , went for the YMCA training in the morning and then followed by meeting Bava to shop for Kat's pressie and then at the same time shop for myself. It felt like a real shopping spree. Going one place after another , just buying and moving on to other shops. Wee` Girls Shopping Day! The discounts and the sales. Whoopie` Lala. I'm broke now . I'm waiting for my salary now. Hahaha. I tell you ar , I am very suai . On my way home , I was in the bus and just then he hopped into the bus with pastor . I was suppose to be in church today , but I did not go because I choose to go shopping. Then I had to answer to him , why I was missing. ~Lala . I am suai . I am fated to meet him though i avoided meeting him ,not really him but just i wanted a break from my usual sat routine. There it goes. I got caught .Boo`

threw her kisses ;11:30 PM

Hi , to those nice people planning to get me something for X'mas. I have decided to be nice to list you what I want and need at the present moment. I just thought of helping you to save you from the hassle of deciding what to get me . Its okay with me if you choose to get me things out of my list. I know you choose to be genuine with your gift. LOL

Handphone
Havianas Sandals ( size 9 /40)
¾ jeans
full jeans
Pumps ( size 9 /10)
Casual slippers ( size 9)
Tops
Accessories
Belt
Jacket
Wallet / Coin purse
Hair bands / Hairpins
Dye Hair
Rebond Hair
French Manicure
Bible

threw her kisses ;11:37 PM

I really hate being told what to do. I prefer to be allowed to make decisions on my own and people’s opinion only matters as a secondary thing. I prefer the first degree given to self . It is really annoying . To repeatedly being told for every one action. I can’t tolerate it . Even my parents do not do it on me . I have to beg for their opinions . See the contrast. I know I am entrusted to a greater responsibility but allow me to show you my potential do not undermine my own potential by telling me what to do . I am clear. And plus , its forever YOU annoying me with your list of instructions. Tear down the instructions on me , please. Thank you!

The rainy weather is making me think so much . Only about a week plus , it will be goodbye to 2006 and welcome 2007. But as the dates draw nearer , the fear in me is also growing. I feel so insecure . I am really with nothing. I feel so empty . I feel so directionless . And I am fearing every moment with not knowing what is to come and what I will be put into. The fear of uncertainty is the greatest in my life at present. Sighz. Can I say I am not looking forward to the new year 2007 ? I rather be stuck in the present time of the year . I am much happier and have not nothing much to worry about. I wish I would be stuck in the time capsule. It is never possible , I guess so. `Boo

Today , nothing much just stayed home was suppose to go out to celebrate my friend’s birthday but since it was raining the whole of yesterday , we decided to postpone fearing the weather will be bad. Shucks! But it was a fine weather today. So basically bummed at home, later in the evening aunt came over to pass stuffs to my dad that she bought in Malaysia and then grandma came over to join us for our family outing tomorrow and then she brought us for dinner at night. Yay! Going Sentosa, praying for a fine weather and enjoyable time with the family. ~lala

threw her kisses ;11:26 PM

I have lost a bit of touch in blogging . It isn't like last time . I feel that I want to blog everything down . Hiaz. Saturday was a disappointment , my contact had aeroplaned me. She had turned me down flatly . I planned the whole night brainstorming for her session and even planned a activity to play with her. It was all ready and then she had to turn me down. Sad lor. So I had just to join others with their friends for the event later. But not bad , the friends were awesome and my team emerged as the winning team. Though I felt that my contact could haf joined. Sighz. Saturday was so ordinary . Nothing much happened. But the night was great , the girls' gossip session was taking place. Hahaaha . I love those calls.

Then Sunday , time with family but sadly me and sis were locked up in home and then we had to die in hunger cause me and sis did not feel like spending the money dad gave and just starved till we cannot anymore. Then bought a decent meal saving the money. Then at night , grandma came over with my parents after shopping , she bought us food. It was glorious food night.

Then next day , Monday went to Singapore Garden Festival with family . It was good. Cam- whored . Took plenty of pictures. The plants and flowers were indeed beautiful ..... Awww... Then , followed by shopping with family and then later me and sis went Raffles City to disturb Sammie at work. Hahaha . She is the "hottest thing in her shop". Phui.

Then today , just like that .............................. But happy. ~lala

threw her kisses ;6:50 PM

Surprise! Surprise! I was on my way home , I was already walking towards my block of flat when I heard someone shout across my name , and was with my mum and sister. It was him , he was standing outside his dad’s taxi . It looked as if he knew I was coming and waiting for me . It did not seem coincidental but it just happened . It was pretty strange for him to come all the way to my place to have dinner and meeting me at the same time also. Surprising strange . But pleasant! I was so shocked to see him. Thankfully , I wasn’t in the attire I was in the morning. If not , I will be definitely teased by him. ~lala.

Yesterday was great also . When fort canning to play war games . I was really taking advantage of the situation it may seem. I molested the guys. I was really rough and I did not bother considering them any mercy . I just bombed them with waterbombs and snatched their lifelines. I pity the guys. It was fun playing really rough and getting into the game. I like playing rough. Hehehe. I’m a happy child. Weee`

threw her kisses ;9:00 PM

Yay! Today went on shopping spree with Family , was suppose to go JB and shop but mum wasn't feeling too well , so shopped in Singapore itself. Dad was generous to give each of us 100 bucks . Sadly , our budget was limited to only to it. Not enough lar. I still got plenty of things I want to get. Yay! I bought myself a disney princess mug. I love the mug. I not act cute okies. I love princessy stuff. And bought myself some clothes to clothe myself. Hahaha. Dun think dirty okies. I am already clothed but just added more clothes to my wardrobe. ~lala I can't wait to go shopping soon... There are way too many sales , it is really tempting.

threw her kisses ;10:32 PM

Hi . I am back from the youth camp. The camp was really shiong and I was really stretched during the camp especially when I was challenged with my group and I was challenged with the electives I was placed into also. I was not a person who really enjoys cooking and learning musical instrument. But then I had to really forfeit my interests and really be like-minded with my group and join and enjoy in their electives. It was a real struggle, I found myself facing, because I found myself not capable to share in the electives. I felt my tiredness was overwhelming me at the period during the electives. I just wanted to get it done and over soon. But later in the day, I am thankful my attitude was renewed with attitude of readiness and eagerness to share. It was really a good turnout for the day because it also helped me to enjoy the camp and I was really thankful at the end of the camp that I was able to be thankful for being allowed to be stretched during the camp. It allowed me to really see myself being Person and People Centered. Yups. So the camp wasn’t that bad compared to the other time, I was complaining to few of you that I was sian and dreading the camp. I really had a good time and I do not mind being involved in camp again. Yups! You can take my word for it. ~lala.

Okies. After camp now , now involved in EYF. The month of December filled with many activities for the youths , Mass outing and even time to be still and trained to be a “polished vessel” ready to be used. It is going to very shiong . But after the orientation race , 8km yesterday (12/12/06) , I think all of us ready to soar on the wings like eagles to face up the challenge and serve in EYF , I am . Knowing our strength will be renewed and we will not grow weary or faint as we run or walk in these race. We are no longer chicken little but eaglets who are growing to be a majestic eagles. Yeah. Exciting!

Anyway , I have stopped working in Kumon. I wanted some break and I have given a break. Thank God. I will start work only in Dec 27 in YMCA. Till then , I will be involved in EYF and have time to myself . Great. A balance I wanted , I was given.
A Faithful Provider. Amen.

threw her kisses ;10:52 AM

I’m truly upset with myself.

I really do not like my time stretched . I want to spend sometime with my friends. I hardly have any contact with my friends. It has been really some time. I was just occupied with things after things. I must learn to say “No!” at times. I want to be involved in lives and not just task after task. I am just tired and tested. I want to be with my friends. I truly miss everyone. And everyone is missing in action also. I do not want to let go my friendship just like that. All these endless things can stop, but not the lives I meet each day and journeyed with. I love you everyone deep down my heart. I do not know why I sounding so emo now. But I have been feeling it. I lay in bed, thinking how I can arrange a spontaneous outing but it fails with all the other things I have. I want to be free. Yes, free with all my darlings! I really missing everyone . I wish I can go back times . All I have to say my secondary school days are the best. The mornings were simply awesome. All the talk of growing up but now it is no longer exciting and amusing as back then. The laughters we laughed , is now being laughed back at us like trials that never end just like back then the laughters that won’t stop . Hiaz. I wish I never grew . I want to be the innocent little one who enjoys . Why did eve and adam had to eat the fruit from the tree of wisdom ? It all started from there. Why? If they had not ? We will be much happier I suppose . ~lala

threw her kisses ;11:12 AM

Okies. I will be starting work in YMCA on 27th Dec. I have it somewhat planned . I can still attend EYF , maybe the last week might be the affected . But I think this arrangement is the best as for now. I can still work out the arrangements in a later date. I really thank god , in how He had been faithful to me , in providing me job opportunites and making sure it doesn't not clash or comprise my time in His dwelling .

threw her kisses ;5:06 AM

~lala . Yesterday , finally went out with the whole family. Watched "Happy Feet" at Gv Max , Vivo. The movie wasn't that great as I had expected . But it was alright. I like the groove in the movie though. Hahaha. I am full of nonsense la. I have nothing much to blog about also . I am just preoccupied with work , meetings , friends , home and church. I am already so drained out with all these . I wish to break free soon and fly away. I am so sian . I'm indeed a boring crappy person , a conculsion I have made. So, please make me colourful and hip. ~lalala

threw her kisses ;10:05 PM

Mummy ! It's Over!

threw her kisses ;9:19 PM