I'll still believe

I am thankful for today , that my class was well -behaved. But however , during indoor time , it was a total chaos in the classroom. I had initally brought down my boys to the field for outdoor, so when returned back to the centre , the room was in mess with books scattered on the ground and tables turned over . And the other teacher watching the kids climbing over the cabinets and once I came in , I called the kids down and brought them over . The task was still manageble and I was like why she couldn't manage the kids . It was quite disappointing that I had to come in to handle the whole situation. Then when everything was settled . Though the other boy was still provoking him , it was still under control till the other boys had to come into the room , they started writing nasty comments about the teachers in the whiteboard . The comments were really vuglar in language . At the point of moment , I was totally pissed off and I believed ignorance is bliss at such situation. It was good that I kept silent if I shot them because I was mad at them , I would have lose it all and become at fault. I thank God , he gave me the wisdom in knowing how to react to the situation . But at the same time , I am upset not being able to disclipine the kids and helping them understand their wrongdoings. It is really challenging to handle the boys when they are just so quick with their tongues and waiting to pick on the teachers. I am thankful that my bunch of students are terrific when comparable to the other levels. I can still handle them . But not the other levels. I so hate it when it is indoor / outdoor time , because things become so unpleasant and creates unneccessary misunderstanding with teachers if not tackled in a rightful manner. I just hope the students vanish somewhere before the indoor / outdoor time comes .

P.S : I have to handle the other levels also during indoor / outdoor time because it is a combined level session.

threw her kisses ;9:25 PM

Today was really terrible at work. Firstly , today my students were not listening to any instructions. They happily disobey , leaving me with no choice , having to take away their outdoor and indoor time. Still then , they disobeyed . They choose to do what was right to them and never paying any attention to my threats. By punishing them , I am making things harder on myself also , because i have to watch over them intensely and make sure they are preoccupied with things besides play . And having to be firm and stern in saying "No!" because they can't be satisfied with just " No!" and they expect a reason and their list of questions just grows. It gets really fustrating when having to deal with children and their request when they just do not go away with a " no!" for an answer. Then to add on , another student outside of my class , goes bizzare , running around with fire extinguisher in wanting to hit other students and a group of students provoking him to further violence. A whole lot of adventure going on but a crazy scenerio. Nothing is in control . The boys continue throwing things and uses words to provoke and he goes wild. Getting the attention and needing to address the danger , I am involved in the whole scenerio. There it goes ! And wanting to explain things and making things clear with the students , I become not professional and lose it all . Lose my regards for students and even my temper. I cried. I have no idea where to set the ground for the students. Afterall it is their after- school programme . I wish the students can make things easier and so it will be also much happier and healthier environment for them besides me nagging at them to get work done and their noise level , if they did all these well , it benefits both me and them. And my work will be more efficient . And they too can benefit from it.

One courageous prayer I will make tonight, "God allow me favour with my students".

threw her kisses ;11:58 PM

Stares. I wish i had the answers to many things to the seen and unseen . Do not ask me why I have become lyke so emo this week? I have no idea. I rather be left alone because I cn't explain myself or express myself.

threw her kisses ;1:33 PM

Bloggy , I truly truly miss you! Seeya soon!

threw her kisses ;10:52 AM

I have come to understand. Sorry is being the easiest word to say and save yourself from so many unneccessary problem and worries. Yet , it is also the hardest because it is part of a pride. But wad the hell with pride when it gets you down with so much of shit ryte? So just say sorry and move away . So it is going to be no fun provoking me anymore , coz all i will say " I'm sorry!" and move away , and thinking no shit about it anymore while you can sit in ya misery and dwell upon it. Coz it doesn't matter to me because I have already kindly excused myself with the three magic words , " I'm sorry!" and dun come bother me anymore . I am just waiting to snap . I ain't at any losing end because it is just a preoccupation for me. I'm disturbed enuff`

threw her kisses ;11:11 AM

threw her kisses ;10:50 AM

Work is getting me stressed. My work colleague has been irritating me with her nonsense. Hopefully, I will be gone soon from work. I can’t wait to free myself from work. Yesterday, I had gone down to Nee Ann Polytechnic Open house. I have finally decided on the courses I am keen in applying for and have interest in. I want to be involved with lives . Yeah. It sounds interesting and I am ready for the challenge , but now I have to wait and pray as I wait to see if its God’s will for me. I really pray and ask the whole process of waiting and praying be a sweet time as I travel on my knees . Wee`

Today, I had gone with Sammie to Escape theme park. Though it was only pathetic two of us. We still had great fun. We stayed there till the theme park was closing , I thought initially time will be abundance and we can have much more activities besides the theme park. But the entire day was spend in the theme park. The Go-kart was awesome` . I had a hell of riding experience, never call me to bring you out in a spin. I am a dangerous driver, life is at its highest risk. I think I could have made headlines of killing a person or causing a great damage or simply an accident in Go-kart! I am truly truly dangerous! Yeah man! But it was super duper fun! Can’t wait for our next hangout ! Hopefully , the number of people grows! ~lala

threw her kisses ;10:31 PM

I’m truly upset when my students misbehavior. I just do not like being so strict with them and I know moments like these my punishments to them is so unjust. But I can leave them undisciplined because of my own preferences. I do not want them to think it is alright to do so and so , and to be let go without punishment. I want them to understand the severness of their wrongdoings. Today , one of my student was provoked by other student during play-time and this student turned really rebellious and violent. He started carrying table and screaming at the top of his voice. I had no choice , I had to pull him away before he injures any other student. I was also at the risk of being injured by him , he may be P6 , but his force was really great. After I managed to calm him down and as I spoke to him , he felt regretful over his actions and he even said that he finds really difficult to understand why he does so . I tried to challenge him to control his temper but he refused to believe me it is really controllable. He is going to be one student , I am going to take great efforts to reach out to him . I will be really the happiest person if I can make a difference to this student. I want to take this challenge in reaching out to him . This boy can be super duper nice at times and address me with great politeness , and times his temper just gets up with him. Oh lala ~ Oh my dear! I’m getting so attached to my students . They are super duper sweet especially the girls. They help me maintain the class during my short absence and they involve me their little play. I love playing with kids because I do not like acting up my age. I love kids’ play. And I love to be even sabotaged by them during play , there is so much laughter and joy. Wee` And I can’t tolerate any nonsense when other teachers ‘interfere with my classroom and students. Boo`

threw her kisses ;11:01 PM

Today, he got enlisted for NS and there he goes away . I will nt be seeing him for atleast the next two weeks . I will be taking care of his girlfriend for him , his pet rabbit named " rabbit" . Nicknamed " bit! bit!". Hopefully , his girlfriend can adapt to me and nt get tortured and die in my care. I really want to pass it to him after the 1 yr 10 mths. But the chances seems very slim. But hor , I will try to keep it and care for him . I want to give it back to him . I want him to know , I am serious about it. But at the same time , I am also confused about my feelings . Oh my goodness! I ain't hiding anything to people. Anything just ask me directly I can't seem to express myself lately. I am lost for words . I did not even give him a proper farewell also because of my lost of words. I am forever in regrets when it comes to him. There are always " what if? " in every situations. Hiaz. I wish that I will do it all right when I meet him again. But still then I am confused . I am such a fickle-minded person . Hiaz.

Work is great especially with the younger ones only , the students. The older ones , the adults are again prombletic with their unhappiness and their own polictics and I can't seem to tolerate anymore of this nonsense. I will just do what I am suppose to do and avoid any kind of mistalk. I just want to focus on my students and give them my best and I will not tolerate any remarks from others about my students, because from the past two weeks , though they are naughty and mischeivious and like to compromise , but they have been great to me they are teachable. And that is the best can a teacher ask for , kids whom are teachable. I do not want to feel any form of unhappiness in place where I enjoy most with kids .

Oh yeah ! Poly openhouses are beginning soon . I have to make time to go down and decide on the courses i want to apply for. Yeah. I will pray and seek His Will.

threw her kisses ;11:05 PM

Work is getting demanding . There is much of admin stuff to settle like the lesson plan , the co-curricular activities record and even the daily attendance , and also the birthday chart of the students. And in addition to all these , have to prepare work for the students , and plus manage the discipline and the noise level of the class. It is getting difficult. I am losing my patience especially when the students test me . I feel like a tyrant. Being really firm and strict with them. I have no choice at times I got to punish the whole class when infact when some students are in best behaviour. I can't seem to allow my nicest part to be shown coz it will be my own weakness and the students are waiting to pin me down . But I am still enjoying my work. It is fun. Just fully occupied with things after things . Running around , chasing students for their work and making them listen to me. Hehehe. I am tyrant.

threw her kisses ;9:38 PM

Sianz. I am super duper pissed with someone . This person had offended me and mistook all my efforts. It was already so difficult and this person had to add on it , shifting the whole responsibilty to me. I really depise responsiblity and add it to all working for men. It dreads me the most. If I ever given a choice , I will stay away . But however this sincerity that strikes in me becomes my weakness . That leaves me with no choice but pulls me thru the situation . I wish I can really shake off this sincerity and really focus on something that deems more profitable and worth of my efforts. I am now dreading the whole event on Sat. I just do not want to face the person . To my suainess , I had to face her first thing , so suay , I was so pisssed and so sian. I did not wish to talk to her and I just waited till others join. But when others join also I was still sian and felt that my day was really fouled. But thankfully after awhile , I felt my mood was clearing up when friends joined , I did not want to look sian as they were all very cheerful and were ready for fun. So i joined the friends and put the differences behind , just enjoyed with them. But the issue wasn't over with me. It was still troubling me. Then at the end of the day , I called to some meeting with two other sisters to discuss my portion. And to my horror , I asked to serve in frontline of the QCP. I was really puzzled in how to react , but I found myself looking at myself and the trails that came at me previously . I felt I was so in-ward looking and I did not really hold on to my commitment to "Count Me in!" I felt that I had chickened-out at the very moment. Hiaz. I really got to settle this with God.

So far , work has been great . The kids are manageable . Though at times need to be firm and strict with them. I did even get to play basketball with the kids and even have time to just crap with the kids . And ate their canteen stall food recommended by the kids themselves. Their recommendation is excellent. So far , work has been great. The time really passes by real quick in the centre.

threw her kisses ;11:46 PM

Arghh! People do really upset me. I really hate working with people. It really gets to a point , I find myself not moving and not enjoying because of people. They really dampen my spirits . I am not expecting for a perfect plan of events. I just want to make sure the activity that we are planning for it is really in the interest of friends. The main highlight of our activity is kayaking and the rest that follows are just to cater to friends’ interest for those who are not keen in kayaking. I am not looking much into groupings yet. All I am concern as of now , are our activties attracting friends and whether their consideration is whether their Saturday is worth spending with us being satisfied . I am really having difficulty transmitting my ideas across. I am forever mistaken. Annoyance. And noone is helping . I really hate to be in the planning com . It suddenly becomes difficult to reach people. I hate the role of breathing down people for friends and response. Yucks. It brings so much of unhappiness and it fouls up my mood. I will just commit all these unto God before I sleep tonight. I feeling so burden . I need to refresh my attitude and allow myself to be zealous and fervent in the work of the Kingdom. Yeah.

threw her kisses ;10:56 PM

Gosh! I can’t believe it ! I have kept his smses stored in my hp dated back 2004 . Wow! I did not realize how long till my sister who happened to be meddling with my handphone had to mention . I do not have the heart to delete off his msges and I even keep a book recording his msges to me . Hahaha. I hope there is technology so good that I can even record his conversation via calls also. I do not want just moments like this to go away like passing moments. And times when I am down , I like to take memorylane alone with which I walked with him . It brings back many happier moments. Wee~ I just love it when I am with him . Boo` He is going to be enlisted soon , Jan 14 . That’s ‘ like so fast , though I cld get to see him in weekends but it is just different. No more long nights in MSNs waiting for him . So I can surely say that I can keep away from com in the weekdays. It is gonna be easy. I think I am going to replace all those time with exercise. I going to be FIT this year. I will train myself , go running in morning and in the evening do push-ups , tummy tuck be a sports freak , must not allow him to boast only mah . So I must also intensify my training so I can boast along with him. Hahaha. Crazy me. But I am serious. I want to train .

threw her kisses ;7:19 PM

The first post for the New Year'07. Morning was spent home with sister , watched most of the programmes aligned for New Year. And I called my contacts to greet them and found out if they could be free to join for Kayaking. For the very first time , I felt that I really went way out in inviting coz I was really thinking in my head about the friends while I was doing other things . And it made me even more urgent in inviting them. Great . Then later in the afternoon , stupid headache was pounding in my head and I was craving for chocolates like an addict. Till I forced myself to sleep just to forget about my crave and my parents deny any chocolates to me. Argh. I felt so weak. Then family decided to go out for dinner and get all the last-minute school stuffs for my sister. I gt no school yet. I am schooless likely for another two over months. Sob Sob` Hope to get back into the education path soon. I really depise working life though I like the environment and kids . I rather be a student , then a working adult . The responsibilites to shoulder are very different. I dislike growing up . But in reality , you have no choice , every new yr comes , you grow older.Yucks! I really hate growing up . So please do not remind me that I am growing up. Yeah.

Yay! I am looking forward to say maybe around March , my grandma is likely sponsoring me trip , somewhere far . Yet to know details yet. But hopefully , the deal is still on . I love travelling and better still shop. ~lala. Wee~ My first Gift of 2007.

threw her kisses ;11:54 PM

Happy New Year 2007!

Blessed 2007! May He bless you with His grace , love , joy and peace this New Year '07.

Have a great year ahead!

threw her kisses ;12:00 AM