I'll still believe

Finally, I received my much awaited salary. The salary is damn pathetic . Really trust me on this. It is never enough for the world but for me , I can . I am putting aside all my plans I had before the salary. Now , I think I should just save it up . No point splurging all the money . I rather save it. I have earned it the hard way . So I want to enjoy it slowly and not in a splurge. Total sadness , okies! It is way below with my estimated amount after the CPF cut. Really, boo`! It makes me want to quit my job as soon as possible because I am underpaid for the amount of work , I am doing and having to endure till the end of day. It is really not worth. Okies enuff about my pay. Just a random thought anyway!

Today , at work , my asst. supervisior and supervisor were discussing some matters about work , and then they offered me with some night class " SCC" training classes , which I can attend to equip myself better in handling the class. I felt really bad , because I was already planning about my resignation from the centre likely by the end of next week , and then they are looking ahead in my stay in the centre. So I had no choice , I somewhat hinted that I have some other plans and I am working around the plans and I could get back to them as soon as possible once I have worked around. But, I do not expect them to know it is going to be really soon because all I am waiting for now is the posting results which is released on Mar 6 . It is just a matter of few days. Yeah. I'm pretty anxious about it. But I think I can be assured that my God works for the best of me and I can rest till the day , He completes the work in me. Thank you , Lord, for the assurance you have given me.

threw her kisses ;9:40 PM

Yesterday , was my collegue's last day in the centre . She was getting transferred to another branch. So to give her a small farewell , all the PM teachers went for a steamboat dinner together with her to spend some time with her. It was a nice gesture , i thought. Hopefully , she has a better working environment , better supervisior , and better students in her new centre. Even her transfer was an answered prayer from her side , as the current branch she was in was totally out of her way and the new branch is much nearer to her place. Thank god , in answering her prayer. I also want to thank god for the change in the student's behaviour , the students have been great for the past two days , and I know it is not in the means of men but God is at work and they are in the sovereign control of His. Thank God for answering my prayer also in regards to the students behaviour and allowing me to have favour with them. Thank God.

At the present moment , I caught in dilemma on when to tender my resignation. And I am anxious about the posting results though I am allowing it to rest and surrendered it to God. But there is still some anxious thoughts filling me up and with the A level results this friday. And again in regards to my 21st Birthday , I ain't celebrating it. I am sorry and please do not force me into buying your idea that I am missing out. I rather miss it out. Thanks.

threw her kisses ;10:05 AM

I think I had enough of living in my own fairytale land with my own happy endings . It hurts me everytime when reality strikes me down. Before reality really strikes me down , its better for me to take reality to face and face it. For the past three years , I had my share of fairytale and now I giving it up to move on . Nothing going to hold me back, coz it was never meant to be a fairytale at all. I know , some of you may be laughing at me saying that here I am again with this , the umpteen time. But now , I am sure . Even if the feeling isn't dead , I will pretend it did fade and move away with time and never ever come to this feeling with him , coz it was never meant to be. Goodbye.

threw her kisses ;5:26 PM

I just had enough of work. It is really irriating me to the max. The students and one freaking collegue . I can excuse the students but not the collegue. She seriously got some problem . Last Tues , myself and another teacher had stayed behind to put up the chinese new year deco , and this collegue had to leave and the other collegue had left . Only the two of the them are holding onto the centre's keys and since we were staying behind to put the deco , I had to lend the keys from her and then when I asked which keys belonged to which door ? She replied very bluntly that "she did not know!" . But if i remembered clearly sometime ago , when I had to borrow keys from her , she did mention to me but I had forgotten because it was really sometime. Then after which she left . Then awhile later , she came back , and stood at the door and in voice that was raised " she said you have to check with the supervisor and the asst. supervisor whether you can have the keys , because not everyone are ought to have the keys expect for permanent staff. I think". And left once again. I was really super duper pissed by then , if she didn't want me to have the keys why can't she just stay behind and wait , and close the centre . I did not like the manner in which she handled . I was offended. And then yesterday , I had allowed the students to watch TV , fifteen minutes earlier than their usual time because there weren't much students in the centre , many had already left and the students requested for it , and so I allowed. And then I already arranged the students , and then her group of students came to me asking if they could play in the corner of the locker room , and I had refused to them , and asked them to join the others in watching tv though their teacher had allowed , because all the rest were settled infront of TV and so they expected to do likewise . But after sternly saying "No!" to them , i expected them to come and sit down . But to my surprise , they went ahead and the collegue was beside them sitting watching them play . Goodness! No respect to my words and my instructions. Hiaz. I feel so disrespected , and I was pissed with my collegue in allowing them to go ahead to play after I said a "No!" . Next time , if she ever comes and complain to me that her kids are naughty and do not listen to her . I will never help her . I will just let her handle her kids by her own because the kids will never respect me also because she taught so to the kids by not heeding my instructions to stop play , and by encouraging them to continue play. I never gonna be any nice to you. I will just concentrate on my class. And please take charge of your class during tea break . I had enough`!

threw her kisses ;3:05 AM

" Happy Valentines' Day to all my family, friends and my boy!"

There is just so much things to blog especially in regards to my work . Yesterday , my collegue had to leave early because her dad was taken to hospital , and then since we both were sharing classroom , I was automatically in-charged of both her class and mine . The task was rather impossible . Because I had odds of 50 students . It was indeed challenging and I had nothing planned out in proper manner. I assigned them to do some craft for Chinese New Year Decorations! And the students went to do their craft , but they will still noisy and within a short while , a " little adventure" started. A student started throwing things were the partition because his wallet was stuck at the top of the partition and he created a crowd of students watching him and refused to allow me to help him get it and just struggled with me. And finally , I got that wallet down with me climbing up the cupboard , I was left with no choice because I was concerned of the safety of other students . And the " little adventure" ended , but the rowdiness returned from the student because they were done and then I had to scream at them to get them to come front to sit and remain silent. And very soon , another "adventure" broke out , students started running around fearing this boy who was wanting to whack the boy . So i had to intervene. The boy's strength was really forceful , I couldn't hold him long and I was straining myself holding him down. So I let go of the boy , and brought the other boys were in danger of being whacked by him to the office , and called for the boy's dad and informed of the situtation , while I was in the call , the boy was furiously banging on the office door and the rest of the students in the centre were helping to calm him down. And then , the boy was made to answer his dad's call and he calmed down the very instant . And then I called him and the other boys in the room to question them and they went on complaining , and then I had to make it clear to the students there are some rules they are ought to practice in the centre and they are to obey those rules and so I drew up an agreement by them to follow the centre's rules and the very basic that is expected of them . And the tagline to the agreement was if they are to disobey or disregard any rules they will advised to leave the centre. And so they signed their agreement and wrote their parent's contact number on the agreement . So I just hope the boys will value their agreement and behave well in the centre. If not , I left with no much option except calling their parents and informing the supervisor .

And yesterday , I received a sms from my supervisor feedback-ing that I have shown much initiative and very hardworking by both himself and the asst. supervisior and so they have given my name to HQ to convert me to perm. status. And the best part , I planning to tender my resignation soon . I just had enough! I need some life man!

threw her kisses ;11:26 AM

My handphone is so seriously damaged now. My volume button is gone . And the magnetism of the flip off is no longer . And now one end of the flip flop is broken cause of rough handling. Damn. I thot of skipping the idea of getting a new hp , seems like I have no much of option left now. I need to get one as soon as possible , before further damage befalls on the handpone.

threw her kisses ;7:01 PM

Hiaz. This week , he did not book out frm camp . So sad. Sob Sob` . I'm missing him already . Atleast last time , I did not get to see him in the weekdays , i still knew I will get to see him in the weekends. And now , I do not even get to see him . It is already been 2 weeks already since I last saw him after his first bookout. I wonder how is he doing? I know he would be fine but I simply miss him and next week is V'day and guess have to spend it alone because I got no plans . Hahaha.... Spend it with the kids. Boo` . Anyway , nothing so great about V'day ! Just an ordinary day like any other .I hate crowds. They really disgust me. Arghhh.

threw her kisses ;1:56 PM

threw her kisses ;1:15 AM

Hahaha. My blog has became my complaint board to report incidents at work and my unhappiness with students and the happenings in the centre. Yesterday , my class had pushed me to my limits , that i had to put aside my lesson planned for them to really speak to them about their behaviour and their attitude. And I had to make them write out a promise to me or rather to themselves because I am going to use it back on them , and if they will to go back on it , i would call their parents . And because of their poor behaviour , I am limiting their outdoor to only once a week , because I told them they do not deserve their outdoor because the outdoor was there only as reward for their good behaviour , and I was just being nice to allow them to have it almost every other day because they enjoyed it but now it seems they are getting bad to worse , and so I can't tolerate this behaviour , and so their outdoor period will be only once a week as of from next week and that too if they are only in their best behaviour. I would be working with this rule till I find that they have learned to behave and act responsibly. I am no more"Miss Nice"to them , because they are just too much. And it is really scary , if i can't control them , because it will just reflect my own weakness. And the boy with ADH , will be terminated next week . So next week , will be his last week. Yay! One down. I initally wanted to reach out to him but it was really difficult , because I am handling a class and not a indidviual student; and he was difficult.But I would continue praying for him. And yesterday the P3 girls caught in a fight , and even the well -behaved and the guai guai student was involved , and one of the teacher held high regards for her , even saying that she is the righteous one . But the girl failed the test , she blurted a vulgarity when things just got too much , and myself was shocked it was from her also. And this reminded me of the lesson , i prepared for my students and even my own QT . When Jesus was tempted , he stood the test and was victorious by not submitting to the temptations. So no one can be righteous unless for the one who can be victorious in temptations. Hence , therefore my righteousness can only be in Christ Jesus and not in our own because we are fallen. Hence , noone can look for righteous in a person except for Christ Jesus , our perfector. Yeah.

Yesterday was also the release of O level results. All of those whom I knew , had done well. Congrats to them! And here I am anxious , because everyone did well and then is my chances going to be slim , I have no idea. This morning , I had just submitted the courses I applying too . And I will just submit and pray .

And also to friends' who have been asking about my plans for my 21St. I have no plans . I am not holding any parties. Sorry for the disappointment!

threw her kisses ;7:03 PM

I dread meetings. Today a meeting was called for , and during the meeting the supervisor had made it official that there is a senior teacher appointed officially as of today to cover for the supervisor and assistant supervisor during their absence. I am fine with the arrangement and I have nothing against it. Then the meeting went on to cover in respect to the students during lunch time . Besides we teachers ,serving the students , we are also suppose to inspect on the right table etiquettes are obeyed by the students and reduce food wastage by also being strict with the students in not picking their food . At the same time , the supervisor feed backed that some parents had called up saying that kids are not completing their homework in the centre and they have expressed his concern to us. And he wants the teachers to go after students and really check with them for homework, and plus do some teaching for the students. And his main concern was with the PM teachers and he wanted to rectify this problem as soon as possible. But the whole session or meeting was done so unprofessional in my point of view , it was just pointing on the mistakes and all the other things done rightly were not mentioned or appreciated. And plus , the AM teachers were very “helpful” with their suggestions , though they have taken the students previously , they do not remain the same at all levels in behavior . They tend to mature and act differently. They are growing up and they like to have an identity for themselves, hence their behavior varies. They may not be the little innocent one anymore , they become difficult to handle but they can be disciplined and I do agree with that. But it has to be tackled rightfully. And one more thing , I am not trying to please my students . I have nothing to gain , maybe some favour but it will be to my own disadvantage because I will be down soon because it becomes my weakness. I am still exploring ways to disclipline the students. And the expectation is just growing . And I do not seem to be liking it.

threw her kisses ;9:30 PM

Blogger is being a bitch. It forced me to change my blogger to the new blogger. Eeks. Nothing much in new blogger though. Maybe I am yet to discover. I stayed home today also and stayed in bed the longest. My head is hurting like shit. And I watched dumby tamil movie , though I hate to watch tamil movies because everytime after watching it , I become very illusion-ised with my feelings. I hate the feeling because it is deceiving myself.

threw her kisses ;9:03 PM

I just wanted to post the pictures of the froggie , my students caught while I brought them to the field for outdoor. Cool yeah! I captured the froggies for them. They wanted me to do anyway. Wee!`

threw her kisses ;7:20 PM

I have decided to stay home this weekend. After all I had to go thru this week. I just needed a break and the only comfort I want is my precious sleep. It is not that I had no enuff of sleep but I just want to stay home and laze in the comfort of my blanket and the bed. It is just so peace to be in bed and plus the weather is such a darling with the cold breeze of wind blowing . A perfect day to just to stay home. Wee!`

I am also thankful for the days nearing the weekends , it was pleasant at work also , because one of my collegue took leave , and the supervisor had to cover her class for her , so the students were well - behaved and nothing much happened . Only problem was the noise level but then it was manageable. And then one friday , I had to take the P5/P6 class for an hour and I had to pass my class to the other teacher. My kids were upset that I was not taking them and they looking for me in my other class because myself and the other teacher lied to them saying that I am no longer taking P4s but taking P5 & 6s . Hehehe` Now , I know that they do like me as their teacher. It is great knowing that the kids like me, though I am strict with them and nag at them to sit in their seats and do their homework and my assigned work. And punish them at times . They still do like me. Wee`

Then on friday , after work also I met my CD to share with her on my struggles in work and she shared some verses to me , one verse that encouraged me was the prayer Jesus prayed for his disciples in John 17 ...
15My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. 16They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. 17Sanctify[b] them by the truth; your word is truth.
Yeah. I praise God for His truth. And she also shared with me the " Starfish story" , about the boy who picked up the starfishes in the beach and threw it back to the sea . Knowing if it is left in the shore , it will die in the heat . He made the difference to that starfish. Likewise , she encouraged me to make the difference to the kids I am taking , it may not be the whole lot of them , it may be the few. But it will be the joy that I made the difference to them. The whole meet-up with her was so uplifting and a booster for myself for the next following weeks with the students.

Wee!` A Happy Week . Frisbee flying in the air !

threw her kisses ;6:44 PM

I so badly need to save. My funds are running really low. And my pay is not anytime soon. That really sucks. And to add on , my previous pay cheque my name was written wrongly , and I passed it over to my supervisor and he is yet to correct it for me . Though , i reminded him today. And there it goes I'm broke and I need to save in whatever means I can , my daily allowance is still being paid by my dear parents. Funny right? I am working and yet they are paying for me and I owe my sister . Goodness Gracious Me! I need to stop on all my spontenous outing though I so badly want to break free and join my friends for some laughter and joy but it burning a hole in my pocket also. Yikes! Everything has a cost to pay. That really sucks!

threw her kisses ;11:49 PM