I'll still believe

Today , I received a very saddening call from my friend's brother. He had called to inform his sister had passed away. My friend had committed sucide because of depression. I have no idea what caused her so much depression. I always remembered her to be a person who was always cheerful and bubbly , who is very simple in thoughts and light-hearted. Im so clueless over her sudden death. I remembered few weeks ago , she buzzed me for a causual conversation but I wasn't free for her at the moment. I promised to get back to her soon . But I never got the chance and now its late. It makes me wonder , if i had given her some time , I mite have helped her by just providing her a listening ear. Maybe all she needed was a listening ear .
I'm sorry.

Sometimes , we just get carried away in our own things that we become so oblivious to our surrounding and people around us. All it takes is to be observant and share a thought to others.

threw her kisses ;9:48 PM

Fuck la. I am asked to stay home and do some studying. My dad is bringing up the issue raised during ptm . I know and am aware. I am doing what I am ought to do. But I am asking only for a day off . I know time is precious and I need to maximise the remaining time left. What sanity will be left if I just get too caught up in this whole studying and trying to save my ass in the year -end promotional exercise.? Give me some space. And I will be in full swing. Trust me. I know how much it means to me. I know the pain and I will not screw it. And please stop , asking me to seek help from them . To you , it may seem , I am egoistic and refuses to seek help but they ain't any helping bunch of peeps. They are simply caught in their own and I do not wish to bother them .Anyway , I tried before. But , it all seems alien to them. Maybe we just belong to different era. Damn crap because it is never true. They just ain't helping . Oh please ! I ain't following their footprints. I have my own and I am aware and responsible for my own . So please stop the crap that they are already pursuing their career and hence they can afford the time. And I have to remain focus and get it through. Damn bullshit. I hate this crap . Im fully aware and consicious of my every decisions. I know my every decision counts to my future . So I would not be stupid to screw it. Dun push me off limit but put me in limit. Thank you.

threw her kisses ;10:14 PM

Today, I had accompanied one of friend to NUS; she is starting school soon in NUS. She was there to collect her student bus concession card. While, I was there; I saw many students and there were many thoughts in my mind. I really like to and hope to have a place in NUS. I always hold a high regard for NUS, the holistic education and at times I view it as the journey to completion of the education journey. Thus , NUS is the goal of aspiration for me.

I feel little upset and depressed when it seems so far and unattainable. People of my age are already through their first semester and I am nowhere there. I am still in the years of pre- u education , where I am struggling . Sighz.

threw her kisses ;8:28 PM

Yesterday , I was fuming mad with my sis on learning that my earpiece wasn't working and she been the last person using my ipod. I shifted all blame to her. I know I was been unresonable to her, blaming her. It was just her luck , the earpiece just got to spoil on her. I already apologised to her yesterday when I reflected on how selfish I have been . It also brought me to ponder upon the new foundational issue , " Steward of God". Yesterday , in the way i reacted to the situation showed that I was more a owner of the situtation. I took ownership over my things . So how am I to react? I am unsure. So i left it just like that , though deep -down within me I was anxious in trying means to find solution to the problem. I was thankful there was warranty for the product. But I was doubtful if the warranty covered the earpiece. All I could do was to remain hopeful and act by faith. And guess what , I got a one - to - one exchange without any major paperwork . A every easy task , walk into the service care centre , get a queue no, cite the problem , problem diagnosed , prescription given. Yayness~ A brand new ear piece given. Praise God!

threw her kisses ;7:31 PM

I know people are getting concern . But that doesn't give them any reason to fret over my walk. I know I have been consicious of my walk and i have been optimizing the opportunity for me to live out my daily perspective; I must decrease . For He must increase. As I go about my everyday live and as I stay home , I learning to be consicious as my identity as a light in the house. Though sometimes it may seem I am doing it all in my own strength but I know the strength I am working from , comes from God alone. Hence , I am not working in my own strength but the strength of my all mighty Father. He gives me strenght so I may do what I am doing. And I know , he watches over me and hence , I will be fearful in doing any wrong. So I will be obedient little girl who does what my Father wants me to do . So need not fret over me , because I am in the safe hands of my Almighty Father. Praise. In HIM alone , I find comfort. =D

threw her kisses ;11:54 PM

I am somewhat missing him . I haven't like met him in like say close to one month. I know he is busy with schoolwork and all , extended time-table. Life is just so pathetic . So whenever i get the chance to call or chat , its practically filling each other up in our lives. The usual convo starter " huh? wad happened?". I sometimes really wish he will consider telling me things when they happen and not when it had already happened. This makes me feel so distant from him when I feel so left out in his life. But I am glad to know he is concern for me through this time . Thanks.

threw her kisses ;8:47 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY , SIS!

I'm sorry.

HEy , people ....

I will booking in tommorrow (3/ 8 /2006 ) into concentration camp. I will be in camp for 7 weeks. I will likely get to book out on weekends. But it all depends , if i call to do guard duty , my weekends will be burn out. But it is only for 7 weeks. So people do not miss me too much. Anything drop me sms or even short calls . It will be great to hear from you , because I am expecting things to be tough . Need lots of support and prayer. And plenty of motivation and encouragement to push me for this coming 7 weeks. It is going to be a make or break concentration camp. Thank you. Till then , take care people and love yas . Miss ya too.

threw her kisses ;9:25 PM