I'll still believe

Some pictures for amusement..... Hahaha

threw her kisses ;6:08 PM

WHO AM I?

The BIG question.

Earlier this morning , I was watching Oprah Winfrey show and the highlight of this show was on the comeback of a few women with them discovering and the owning the truth of who they were and their purpose after they had let go of themselves. I am truly proud of them for being bold to face the statement. Excellent.

And as I watched the show and reflected , I remember as a child , I walked up a stage dressed as clown and I had to amuse the crowd. AndI clearly remembered the performance my teacher back in primary school made the crowd of students into fits of laughter with the question " Haha! Who am I?" and I tried to impersonate his role and lines but the crowd did not laugh at me this time but ridiculed me over the question.This question is still haunting me today and I never found the answer. I really wish to own the answer to the question . Really . I want it like so desperate and I will pay whatever it takes of me.

threw her kisses ;11:13 AM

I am feeling so disheartened after my chem paper 2 today. It seems that all my hope is all just gone with this paper. It feels so useless to even sit for other papers. When , the results is so obvious. Sighz. I seriously have no idea what to do. I am just too depressed over it. Let me stress I ain't bothering about making a grade but a clear pass to help me in my promotional status. Shucks. The glimmering hope is no longer with me. I am defeated.

threw her kisses ;6:39 PM

Today , I woke up having the most terrbile dream ever. I do not know if its considered nightmare because there won't any monsters chasing or wadsoever. But just me and my fears. It was really a bad dream. I feel so sad about this dream. When I woke up , there were tears in my eyes. If only i could wipe it away , saying its only a dream.

threw her kisses ;10:33 AM

I have officially converted the walls of my home to my wall of drawings . The wall of physical geography. Thank you , Mum!

threw her kisses ;5:28 PM

My STUDY schedule for this week and the coming week :

Thurs
Coastal : includes lecture / tutorial / past yr questions frm other Jcs

Fri
Organic chemistry : includes lecture / tutorial / TYS ( focus on MCQ ) & Maths

Sat
Human Geography: tourism , population , urban : includes lecture / tutorial / prepare answers for hints ( Morning till noon)
Physical Geography: Hydrology : includes lecture / tutorial / revision qns

Sun
GP : prepare outline for work life balance / shld s'pore import foreign talent / abortion
justifiable ( morning)
Physical Geography : Rock and Landforms : includes lecture /tutorial / revision qns
Review all other physical geography topics

Mon
( General Paper / Physical Geography)
Physical Chemistry /Inorganic Chemistry : includes lecture / tutorial / TYS ( focus on MCQ)

Tues
Human Geography : includes lecture / prepared answers / past yr questions frm other Jcs & review chemistry focus on MCQ

Wed
( Chemistry P1 / Human Geography)
Review Chemistry ( short-structured qns) & Maths

Thurs
(Math P1 / Chemistry P2)
Organic Chemistry Lectures / TYS (Focus on Essay)

Fri
Maths & Organic Chemistry Lectures / TYS ( Focus on Essay)

Sat
Maths & Physical Chemistry Lecture / TYS ( Focus on Essay)

Sun
Maths & Inorganic Chemistry Lecture / TYS ( Focus on Essay)

Mon
Physical Chemistry Lecture / TYS ( Focus on Essay) & Maths

Tues
(Math P2)
: Review Chemistry / TYS ( Focus on Essay)

Wed
(Chemistry P3)

Phew! Finally its over.

threw her kisses ;7:37 PM

Yesterday , I was watching a documentary on a wildlife living. It showed how the animals were endangered by their predators . It showed how a monkey became an easy prey to an camoflauged crocodile in the mudwaters. And how another monkey had tried to save this monkey from the gashing teeth of the crocos by frantically pulling the monkey out. Wow. I was truly amazed by the instinct of the another monkey. It showed the survival instincts. Amazing.

threw her kisses ;12:05 PM

I seriously think everything just got a limit . Just awhile ago , a received a verse thru sms. Thank you for the verse . But from the verse , I can understand otherwise also , a judgemental thought of yours over my decision. I am gald for the reminder but not the intended message you had lay behind the message of yours. Sighz. People are just so annoying at times. They tend to know it all when I am the person involved. Wow! I am truly amazed. I really wish they will just leave me alone and mind their own business! I am big enough to care for myself . Thanks for the concern. For now , I just need studying to be done.

threw her kisses ;10:23 PM

Someone's Watching Over Me

by Hilary Duff

Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is just you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my dreams

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe

That I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe

That someone's watching over
Someone's watching over
Someone's watching over me
Someone's watching over me

A song to share to all . Enjoy.

threw her kisses ;6:41 AM

The dreams of your future have no room for the devastations of your past.

When Aaron, the brother of Moses, died, the entire house of Israel mourned for him thirty days (Numbers 20:29). However, after those thirty days, the time of mourning was over, and the Israelites had to move on with life.

There is a great lesson in this: you must push beyond the past in order to enter the future -- a future filled with great things God has planned for you. The Apostle Paul knew this, which is why he wrote, One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).

You may have great dreams for your future, but if you fill your future with junk from your past, then you'll never fulfill your dreams. Therefore, like the Israelites, after a certain period of time, you must decide to forget what is behind and press on toward the things that are ahead.

You are valuable not because of who you are, but because of whose you are.

What is it that makes you valuable? What makes you feel important? Is it your wealth? The fact that you're well educated? Do you feel important because you get lots of cell phone calls, so that must mean you're popular? Or do you feel valuable because you have a high position of leadership at work?

While it certainly isn't wrong to be wealthy, well educated, popular, or in leadership, we must not let those things define our worth and value, because things can (and likely will) fail us. Cars break down; houses burn down; profits sink down; and with them, our self-worth falls down.
But God declares that you're worth everything to him -- you're worth all Christ offered. You are not your own; you were bought at a price (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). That price is the life of Jesus.
You are precious in God's sight -- you're his child (Ephesians 1:5). Almost every parent would agree that his or her child is the most precious thing in the world; and that's the way God views you! It's no wonder God labels his people as his treasured possession (Deuteronomy 14:2).
Don't let wealth, education, popularity, status, or anything else define your value. Know that you worth everything to God, because you're His.

Wow! Indeed God is so good to me . He presented these words to me today! I was so down and yet his promises never fails. I will hold steadfast to his promises and work towards my goal. Weee~ Sings~ God is good all the time.

threw her kisses ;8:14 PM

STRESS.

PRESSING THE ALERT BUTTON.

threw her kisses ;6:25 AM

I was having a conversation with my friend the other day in regards to the promotional -examinations. She suddenly popped the question , " what if the end of the day , you do not clear?" . I was hesistated to answer the question. But there is reality of it happening , since my 30% of marks is screwed and the remaining 70% is all I have got . I have to really go all the way out for the remaining 70%. There is so much and yet so little time. I have not given up. I am still trying . But though I have been studying and all. I see very little progress. Maybe I started too late . Yups. Just too late. But I ain't quitting now though it is late. I will just have to give it my all . I simply wish during this period of time , people will really give me their utmost encouragment and continue believing in me. It is so diffcult on me when thoughts like these visit me in daily frequency. It takes alot of emotions to push aside these thoughts and really focus. My past failures keep haunting me . I do not want to seen as a failure. I do not want people to bring up my past mistakes. I know , I have not been good at studying. I have wasted away 2 years of my life . It pains me . I know its pain and need not have people reminding me. The pain is felt whenever I am with my friends, they are like in NUS , completed poly diploma and they pursuing higher studies and I am still holding tightly unto my O level certificate which is not even one complete O level certificate but two different certificates taken in two consective years . And can you imagine , having relatives speaking about your failure and reminding their child that you better be studying if not you will be like her . It hurts because I am seen to be failure in them and they have formed the opinion on me . And the only chances remains in proving myself will be making into NUS and becoming a graduate , and the chances are all determined in this promotional exams. So it really means alot to me and it holds all my years of education in it. So making through this means alot to me . I really hope i can prove myself . And if i really can't make it . I am sorry , people! It really means alot to me and you guys mean alot to me also. But I am not able to live on with the stigma of failure in me. It pains me even greater. I hope you guys can understand. I know i will hurting my parents and all my loved ones. But I am sure they will know the pain . I am just so weak. But people please do not me affected by me coz I never intended the way. I only want you guys to have happiness . People just learn to move on okies. I love everyone of you . I'm truly sorry if I am selfish. I just had enough.

My exams will be on Sept 25 - Oct 4 .
My release of promotional status will be on Oct 19.

Alright, I have to wash up and work on my tutorials. Got plenty of studying to do . Love ya , people! Take care yea! Miss all of you ! Muacks <3

threw her kisses ;3:34 PM

I am under so much stress . Studying is a session of shedding tears. It is so painful.

threw her kisses ;7:42 PM

I smoked a spoon because I'm sexy and I do whatever I want.

Pick the month you were borned:
January------- i kicked
February------ i loved
March------ i smoked
April------ i dry humped
May------ i choked on
June------ i murdered
July------- i did the macarena with
August----- i had lunch with
September---- i danced with
October------ i sang to
November----- i yelled at
December----- i ran over

Pick the day(number)you were born on:
1----- a birdbath
2----- a monster
3----- a phone
4----- a fork
5----- a Mexican
6----- a gangster
7----- my cell phone
8----- my dog
9----- my best friends boyfriend
10---- my neighbour
11---- my science teacher
12---- a banana
13---- a fireman
14---- a stuffed animal
15---- a goat
16---- a pickle
17---- your mum
18---- a spoon
19---- myself
20---- a baseball bat
21---- a ninja
22---- a model
23---- a noodle
24---- a squirrel
25---- a football player
26---- my sister
27---- my brother
28---- an ipod
29---- a permanent marker
30----a llama
31---- a homeless guy

Pick the colour of the shirt you are wearing:
White---- because i'm cool like that
Black---- because that is how i roll
Pink----- because I'm NOT a homosexual
Red------ because the voice told me to do so
Blue----- because I'm sexy and I do whatever I want.
Green---- because I hate myself
Purple---- because im cool
Gray----- because i was drunk
Yellow---- because someone offered me 1,000, 000 dollars
Orange---- because I hate my family
Brown---- because I'm HIGH
Other---- because i'm a ninja
None---- becasue i can't control myself

Now type out the sentence you made and pass it on!

threw her kisses ;3:20 PM

Today , I went for long ride in the stretch of east coast. A ride thru the sea breeze.

threw her kisses ;11:09 PM

Today, I caught the movie “The Devil Wears Prada”. The movie was so damn good. It was a good reflection of today’s society. It taught some values. Sometimes, it isn’t about the pursue of corporate ladder but the values and principles we hold onto. The true satisfaction of the self rather than the pursue of the approval of man and recognition. The ending was excellent. But this ending doesn’t come by easily in reality as people are overwhelmed by the fear of unknown and they prefer to stick by the mainstream , so they follow suit in the pursue of the corporate ladder and neglect their values and principle as they have little returns. I truly admire people who are able to walk out of the mainstream and follow and believe in their own satisfaction. I really want to be the one who believes strongly on my own satisfaction and not of the world.

P/S: I loved the beautiful skyline in the movie. <3

threw her kisses ;11:57 PM

I am having my one week of Sept holidays this week. Though its holidays much catching up is needed for my studies , I have been returning back to school for workshop and lectures in the course of 3 days of the holidays. I am feeling the pressure of time and the dates of exams drawing close. Shucks! During yesterday's chem lect, our recent test paper was returned. Failed it , though I had studied for it and was quite comfortable with the chapter. Actually , noone passed the paper. And the teacher admitted the paper was tough and she had taken it from the ten year series . Neverthless , i still feel lousy abt it. It simply shows the lack of practice and I am not adequate in interepting the question as when she went through the question , it was rather mangeable . Hiaz. Just feeling so shitty. After lect , joined few of my classmates for lunch . We had a great time together. Just laughing and chatting and enjoying our meal , though my meal and press meal will not anything fanatastic. I really enjoy the accompany of my classmates . They are a fantastic bunch of people. They are so simple and light - hearted and not anything complicated like my previous classmates of 2 years. It was just full of negative vibes. A total No-No! for conducive learning environment. I am glad for my current classmates . I love them . <3

After lunch , I rushed home to get changed to meet Yappie to go for the Singapore Idol Spectaulars. We went damn so early at the studio. Hahaha. We were damn embrassed wearing the " Jon belongs on Stage" shirt. We felt that everyone were looking at us. I think they were. Anyway, it was all done in the sake of healthy fun. We made some new friends with all the Jon fans. They were friendly bunch of people.We had great time at the performance. Had a real close-up with the idols and shook hands with every idol and even the hosts of the Singapore Idol. Everyone of their hands felt so cold. Guess, they must be real damn nervous and anxious. I seriously think Jon has a great voice. I was really memerised when he sang the song ,Chasing Cars. He delivered the song very well. And i think all the idols , did fanastically awesome. They enaged the crowd . After performance , I managed to get Hady to sign unto the photograph and later moved on the radio gate to get real close up with Jon and the other idols. But sadly , the coach drove off to their "hangout". Thankfully , we somewhat managed to get there . While there , we really had a great time , passed Jon his gift , got his autograph on his pic and made him sign unto my shirt sleeve and even hugged him. And even took pic with him. WOw.... And all these was been filmed by the SI , media crew. And managed to get Paul to also sign . He was so nice to sign for me because he was been rushed by the SI management crew. He even begged with the crew to allow him to autograph for me sia. So nice of him. Thanks Paul. It was night with the blooming stars.

There were hardly no buses on road at that time , even the last train home had gone . I was peniless in the cold night and I had to call my dad to fetch me from the taxi stand. Guess what , I got screwed by my dad. And I can't go for tonight's result show. Sad . But I'm glad for the night with the stars.

threw her kisses ;12:00 AM

I am feeling so upset and pissed over his statement that the "choice is urs". Everytime , when things do not seem to be agreeable . He just shuts me up with this so called statement of his. With my blindness and love for him , I just leave it as it is . Sometimes , I just wish I could speak up my inner thoughts. But I guess it will be too much for him as my thoughts are so complicated that at times I am baffled by my own thoughts. So how can he even understand. Though I wish he could. But what if he doesn't and just put away my thoughts after I speak up. I get really worked out for his insenstive behaviour. Things turning ugly. No way! I remember very vivdly a conversation we had some time ago , when I was about to alight at my stop , the sky was pouring very heavily , he suddenly sounded so serious he asked " When he leaves , will I still keep in touch and miss him?" The thought of his question had already sent me tears . I was dumbfounded at his question. I can't exactly remember what i replied at the moment. But I remember saying something that we were still be seeing each other right? He just smiled and I left with my heart filled with so much of pain. I still remember the night I cried . Hence , no way I am giving up!

threw her kisses ;11:35 PM

I feel so upset , betrayed and cheated whenever I think of this someone. Do I deserve this because I had feelings for you? If I do , please make me stronger because I am cracking in the pressure.

threw her kisses ;8:31 PM

My good can my life get? Firstly this week , I finally bumped into UK Shyam and coming week , I have my chances to get up close and personal with Jonathan Leong from Singapore Idol. Special thanks to Ada. She offered me tix to go with her. Damn excited. Total goodness. Yayness~

On the other hand , a harsh reality is knocking fiercely . Oh my life! Lalala......

threw her kisses ;11:57 PM

Oops! I had forgotten to blog about something very close to my heart . A delightful piece of news. Finally , my household can be back to normal . Only four people living under one roof . My cousins are shifting out to another place till their house gets settled. I was wondering why din't they think of that earlier and not caused us inconvience . My aunt will be shifting to my grandma hse . Hopefully , she does , because her kids are asking her to stay in with us till their new house get settled. They "so clever" . Bullshit. All move out . Enough of all the accomdation. We had enough. My mum isn't well and our realtionship at home seems strained because we ain't talking like we used to. I want my FAMILY . i am not used to the arrangement. I feel stress about these arrangement.

threw her kisses ;10:46 PM

Happy Teacher's Day to all teachers!

SHOUT OUT TO MS CHAN!

Thank you , Ms Chan for believing in each and everyone of us.

I haven't been blogging very much lately. The past few days I have been feeling very stressed with preparation for promotional exams and all the pet-talks in school in regards to managing our stress levels. The past few nights , I have been crying myself to sleep. I can feel the built -up of stress within me , that at times i feel the stress from within is suffocating me that I can't seem to break free. In this week , during ht period , we were asked to write notes to encourage our friends as we are all being caught up with our work and the coming 1 week holidays. I was truly amazed by all the notes , I received. Thank you to all . I have to say in all my years in MI. This year was the fantatasic one with great classmates. Though we have our differences but we never fail to look out for one another. I will surely remember all the times we had together. It was an excellent environment for learning that I do not want to screw it up. I want to move up with the class and graduate with this class. Yesterday , was the teachers' day celebration in school . The celebration in school wasn't anything great. There were loud music deafening our ears and songs that were tone-deaf. I do not mean to critize . I know it takes alot for one to step forward and I guess it was the sincerity that they wanted to express to their teachers' in their performance. Afterall , we all students with budding talents. We need a platform and the platform is the school grounds. So a shout out to all performers.

Yups. We as a class , had a great time together . We were cam-whoring in class while waiting for the cue to report to the hall. After the whole celebration , I was spoilt for choice , I had 4 distinctive groups to hang out with. I was so indecisive. Finally , I decided to join my class peeps as I never had any opportunity to hang out with them. So we went to have lunch together and walked aimlessly around Bugis and trained down to Orchard. While at orchard , a pleasant surprise awaited me . I saw Uk Shyam. I was so damn excited , happy and wadever expressions to show my great delight. I managed to get autograph and photograph with him. Gosh! It was really a great pleasant experience. I was so shivery even as i spoke with him . Awww... Damn lucky sia! Thank you , zaf , for pointing him out to me and remembering your friend is a fanatic of Uk Shyam. A great day with a great topping . In love with 31/08/2006.

Studying is so stressful. Studying is breaking down my psychological being. I am getting agitated with all the stress. I find no solace in studying. But am I given a choice? Yes, I do! And the consquences , faced will be harsh reality . I am afraid of facing the harsh reality that I will push myself to a betterment of the harsh reality. Hopefully , I will remain sane. God bless me! 3 more weeks..... A tough fight I am going to fight. In this battle alone , I will draw strength.

threw her kisses ;8:21 PM