Sunday, June 19, 2005


Sun (19/6/2005)

Today is Father's day! I haven't wished my dad even as I type this entry. I can never openly say.. Aniwaez, I wanted to do this entry coz I find myself strugglin with this feeling of envious in my heart. I am feeling little envious of this friend. Bt it is really bo liao to be envious over her. I feel threatened by her. I dunnoe why also, maybe my secrets she knows. She is so observant; watching over me and him so closely. Sometimes, i wonder why did i even tell her and why she must be so observant to tell me or I shld just tell her not to speak abt it to me again coz it is affecting me.I want to save myself; i dun want to be judged by others. Am I over-reacting? I dunnoe. I am self-conscious! I want to be alone and not to be observed ....Leave Me Alone .. it screams in my head! I am struggling.. hopefully i can think of creative ways to approach her so that my friendship with her will not be affected and I am able to tell her of my struggles; and plus i can be a good testimony to her. I am also habouring fustration, i feel abit rejected. Actually, my fault , i gave them the assurance it was okay with me that they they can go ahead, so they carried on, i could have openly told them, we postpone it to later day, they wuld have agreed. So I feel this anger is invalid.... Feelings are ragin with jealousy and fustration !!!


threw her kisses ;11:14 PM


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