I'll still believe

Wed(15/6/2005)

Guys! I am back from my first-ever church camp on Sat. The whole experience was totally different .The whole atmosphere was so intense. I need to be frank here , at certain tyme in the day , i really felt like packin my stuffz and leaving home .. Hahaha .. It was intense intense .. Thankfully , the whole camp was in Singapore that i would even entertain such thoughts. But i felt the intensity was good because knowing of my nature of procasination. I will never understand the urgency if they hadn't set the intensity. I even struggled during meal tymes , I dreaded every meal tymes , coz there were too little breaks in between meal tymes. I felt the food had not digested, bloated feeling. But i need to be thankful , even though , my appettite was poor , the meals were really good that i can have my meals and complete them. This was one of my great struggles.Hahaha .. i remember Bao Ling had me to say thanks for my meals ... Hahahha .. I struggled. When night fall , another struggle set in .. I struggled to tuck myself into bed. I was forced by Bao Ling to lay horizontal in bed by the tyme , she comes in . But , it never works . I see her ; i just smile smile away ..guilt-driven .. bt i din care much.. till she really meant wad she had said... sorry. I know i shld have acted responsible bt then i still struggle. I remember tuckin in my bed and into my sleepin bag; trying to steal glimpses of light from the corridor to have some tyme to consolidate my thoughts and have tyme of reflection.After a short while , i stared blankly into the ceiling and kept zipping and unzipping myself frm the sleeping bag. I struggled to sleep .. even i had to think of ways to force me into sleep. The final straw , I zipped my whole self into the sleeping bag, i think the lack of oxygen in the sleeping bag made me feel fatigue and made me fall asleep. I am so thankful , for the focused mind i had the nxt day , i was still awake and able to think. I was able to press on ! The whole camp was great. I walked in as the green man and now and every moment i am walking as the purple man who looks forward "today and that day".There are many responses i have to make for myself , i ask and seek Him as i learn to response to His calling.

Okies.. days after the camp ... 12/6/2005... Today was my mum's burfdae ... went out as a family after really sometime... went to police academy.. it was the police carinval.. every year.. the interest of mine will always be the gurukhas... bt then this yr was so different .. i din even think abt it.. till my mum mentioned how come there ain't any gurukhas community.. they were very sparse.. It showed this were very temporal . This yr , i tried some archery in the carnival , my arm strength is really very weak. Need to do push up...push up... Hmmm...laters out after some family tyme.. i was struggling to even to know what were the things were significant to me.Many things were said .. bt all revolved ard the creator.. The calling was great. It asked for a sweet surrender. The life of Rachel Joy Scott was an exemplory to today's modern world of living . All her struggles and temptations i would identify.I want to uphold the life of the purple man in me. I WANT TO BE NEW !

13/6/2005-15/6/2005

The past few days had been a struggle .. My physical being had failed.. i am down with fever and my whole being is chaotic.. Struggles to stay away frm bed. Long hrs are spent in bed.I pray for speedy recovery and im so thankful for the rest coz i do need some breather before i can continue.. this is all in the plan.

I kneel in thanksgiving :)

threw her kisses ;7:39 PM