I'll still believe

Sun (3/7/2005)

Hmmm... studying can be really tough ... I detest studying esp for really long hours... The brain can really tire out n cramped with many things... Sumtymes , I find myself saying " Take a break" it has been really long.. bt then sumtymes I wonder whether these are some excuses i give myself to comfort myself and please my egocentri self. I know especially during exam times , i shld really press on ... Bt yet i find myself taking really long long breaks... Pls dun tell me to relax ... I have been really relaxing... Its now really time to study and press on till mid-yr exams are over.. After my mid-yr exams are over , I need to be consistent in my daily revision. Shalini , thanks alot.. I was really struggling over many things... Thanks alot , girl for lending a listening ear . Ma , Pa .. I m really sorry for betraying your trust you had in me . I believe as times go by , you will understand my decision and pray that God will strengthen me through the days, so I can be strong.
I really worried over my life esp when I look at the years beyond me.. I m really worried for my future. I m not copin really well in school. I am so useless.. failing over n over again . Bt it is nt tat i m stoopid bt I ain't studying. I lack the motivation to study .. I firstly hate my school .. I regret going there. I hate my class... too many conspiracies ... the teachers... are only making matters worse... Everyday , i come home , with so many complains.. I hope by complaining , i will get all the comfort i want .. bt always my mum puts it .. you choose to go there .. so study and get out ... dun disappoint us and dun let others talk back ...dad is spending so much money: school fees , pocket money , tuition fees.. so dun waste his money and dun waste your life. Everytime , wen she speaks to me in regards to this , she gets emotional.. she cries.. When she cries, I feel even so bad within me, I very much want to study and make them proud. Bt it doesn't really stay long within me the fighting spirit. I enter school , my spirit really dies off. The worries really chokes me. Bt i really got to study ... I know within me I am bright .. I got my potential. I want to tap on my potential .. I dun want to push away my potential and waste away my life. I pray for myself to be dilligent and disclipine in my studies and also for courage and wisdom .

threw her kisses ;1:15 PM