I'll still believe

I was having a conversation with my friend the other day in regards to the promotional -examinations. She suddenly popped the question , " what if the end of the day , you do not clear?" . I was hesistated to answer the question. But there is reality of it happening , since my 30% of marks is screwed and the remaining 70% is all I have got . I have to really go all the way out for the remaining 70%. There is so much and yet so little time. I have not given up. I am still trying . But though I have been studying and all. I see very little progress. Maybe I started too late . Yups. Just too late. But I ain't quitting now though it is late. I will just have to give it my all . I simply wish during this period of time , people will really give me their utmost encouragment and continue believing in me. It is so diffcult on me when thoughts like these visit me in daily frequency. It takes alot of emotions to push aside these thoughts and really focus. My past failures keep haunting me . I do not want to seen as a failure. I do not want people to bring up my past mistakes. I know , I have not been good at studying. I have wasted away 2 years of my life . It pains me . I know its pain and need not have people reminding me. The pain is felt whenever I am with my friends, they are like in NUS , completed poly diploma and they pursuing higher studies and I am still holding tightly unto my O level certificate which is not even one complete O level certificate but two different certificates taken in two consective years . And can you imagine , having relatives speaking about your failure and reminding their child that you better be studying if not you will be like her . It hurts because I am seen to be failure in them and they have formed the opinion on me . And the only chances remains in proving myself will be making into NUS and becoming a graduate , and the chances are all determined in this promotional exams. So it really means alot to me and it holds all my years of education in it. So making through this means alot to me . I really hope i can prove myself . And if i really can't make it . I am sorry , people! It really means alot to me and you guys mean alot to me also. But I am not able to live on with the stigma of failure in me. It pains me even greater. I hope you guys can understand. I know i will hurting my parents and all my loved ones. But I am sure they will know the pain . I am just so weak. But people please do not me affected by me coz I never intended the way. I only want you guys to have happiness . People just learn to move on okies. I love everyone of you . I'm truly sorry if I am selfish. I just had enough.

My exams will be on Sept 25 - Oct 4 .
My release of promotional status will be on Oct 19.

Alright, I have to wash up and work on my tutorials. Got plenty of studying to do . Love ya , people! Take care yea! Miss all of you ! Muacks <3

threw her kisses ;3:34 PM